I've talked to you of blowjobs and anal sex, the difficulty of orgasm and the joys of the vibrator, and the problems of sexuality, for the straight, the gay and the in-between. But we've barely scratched the surface of what can go down among consenting adults once the lights go down. Polyamory, rubber feet fetishes, pornography (watched alone or in tandem), orgies and threesomes, exhibitionism, maple syrup, voyeurism, the frightening specter of pregnancy, the Kama Sutra. I could carry on like this for pages. But it's up to you all to discover for yourselves what's out there, and how much fun you can have with it.
Everyone discovers his sexual self at different times in life. I figured out that I liked sex before I knew it was sex. Then, I later connected the joys of orgasm to my never-ending quest for the perfect crush on the perfect boy. Was this for better or worse? I can't say. If I'd known then that what I felt for boys, and what I felt when I was making out with them in my basement, was perfectly natural, maybe I wouldn't have those nagging thoughts of sluttiness in the back of my mind now. But then again, if I'd known I was normal then, I wouldn't be here writing this column, spreading the word of good sex and the purity of pleasure that comes from an honest, open sexual encounter.
Each person has to find out for him or herself the sexual path to take. My critics will take me to task for speaking so bluntly about sex and sexuality. But if they really read what I was saying, they would realize I support their decisions to not discuss sex or abstain from having it until marriage just as much as I respect the decisions of my readers who are thinking about how to please their partners or how to understand their bodies. The only way to being a happy, fulfilled sexual being is to go after what you want, do what you're comfortable with and remove yourself from situations where you aren't comfortable. It's really pretty all-purpose advice. I try to apply it to my own life as much as I can.
If we are all honest with ourselves, we can find out if we have a singularly large sex beast just waiting to swallow the world inside of us or a smaller sex beast just looking for that perfect partner for that perfect shag. When you start experimenting with the partner you've found, or the partner you're thinking about when you curl up by yourself at night, you may discover you really like to snuggle against your partner's stomach and listen to their stomach growl, or that you really like to snuggle against their armpit and give it some little nibbles.
The only thing that is stopping you from having wonderful sex as often as you like it is yourself -- those hang-ups you may have about what the woman living next door will think of the parade of partners leaving your house in the morning, or the ones about how maybe you just aren't attractive enough to nail that hottie you've been scoping in the computer lab, or the ones about how you just don't have enough experience to have the guts to get out there and collect some more. I'm sorry, my friends, but you just have to let go of all that. I know these insecurities can be hard to kick -- who wants to get rid of something they know so well and have lived contentedly with for so long?
Once you get yourself unattached from those little uglies in your head telling you that you and your desires are unacceptable, you'll probably start wondering what some of those things I mentioned above are. Polyamory? Voyeurism? If we were talking about some things other than sex and love, all these strange little terms would be familiar and easy to find out more about. But, unfortunately, sex is still a bit taboo in this day. You can't just go to the library and check out a copy of the Kama Sutra, The Joy of Sex, or a copy of Out. Well, you could, but maybe this isn't the way you want to figure out your sexuality, in a public forum with a squirmy librarian uncomfortably checking out your choices. Fortunately for us, there is the Internet and an ever-growing collection of sex columnists and call-in shows. As G.I. Joe was ever so fond of reminding us, knowing is half the battle.
As far as I'm concerned, the second half is spreading the word and feeling the joy. The only way to phase out the taboos surrounding sexuality and getting it on is to stand firmly against them. In the Buddhist worldview, everything is primordial purity, from the pearl in the oyster to the dirt on the ground. Though this is a little cheesy, I admit, I find it the best way I have of explaining the joy to be had in rimming or bondage. Nothing we do is wrong or dirty: the sex we have is pure, we just have to let it be that way.
I hope you have learned as much from this page as I have these past months. And I hope you've had just as much fun, between the sheets and out in the open. I leave my message of sexual purity to you to spread. But remember to suit up with a condom, so you don't go spreading other things along the way.
Editor's Note: The columnist is not a trained medical professional. If you require professional medical advice, please consult a physician.
