The person I am today was beautifully woven and built piece by piece by my mother; she built my wings to fly. The transition from having my mom right beside me to being 8,000 miles away from her is tough.
I remember my school day mornings. She would wake up as early as 5 a.m. to prepare breakfast for me, the most delicious food on this earth. [Mumma, I miss your food.] After getting ready, she would stand by the door with my snacks for the day (mostly nuts and water bottle), fuel for me to have a productive day.
When I came back home, before I even took my shoes off, the first person I sought would be her. From new friends I’ve made that day to interesting facts I learned in school, we would embark on hours-long conversations with my head on her lap. These moments felt like heaven.
I feared my annual dance performances when I was a kid. Yet, spotting my mom in the audience would ease my anxiety. She would applaud so loudly that I’d forget I was even on the stage. In the span of just a couple of seconds, the performance hall would become my living room, and I’d feel the comfort of putting my head on her lap.
I am who I am because of her — a daughter molded by grace and authenticity, by my mother who gave me roots to hold on to and wings to fly high. Throughout my 19 years of life, there hasn’t been a single day in which I didn’t learn something new from her. She has shaped me the same way my nanu (maternal grandfather) shaped her.
The way I talk, dress, live: she has been the person to shape these. Years will pass and I will grow into an adult, but I know that I will always be a child in her eyes.
She is the person who helped me explore my inner talent. In kindergarten, she taught me how to draw and kept supporting me until I started sketching much better in high school. When I was 7, she introduced me to Bharatnatyam, an Indian classical dance. This journey changed how I thought and expressed my emotions. At the end of middle school, she enrolled me in a little orating without telling me. This was my first public speaking experience, and I was incredibly nervous about it. Yet, the first person I looked towards from the stage was my mom. Her smile was so bright and shiny that I forgot that anyone else was listening to my speech. Only one thing mattered to me: my mom.
I used to sit beside her whenever I had to spend hours studying in high school. Her presence was a symbol of comfort and warmth for me. Since I was a kid, my mom taught me “Hanuman Chalisa,” a religious manuscript, which we would recite together every Saturday. It was a symbol of strength and togetherness. I still recite this prayer every time I have an exam or whenever I am missing my mom. It was a core part of my memory as a child, which helps me even now.
One of my favorite memories before leaving for Hopkins was my visa interview in Chennai, which was followed by our first interrupted trip — five days of simply being mother and daughter. From wooden boat rides in Mangrove Forest to endless pictures, street shopping and shared meals, my favorite moment was standing beside her in matching white silk saree at Tirupati Balaji. Through her closed eyes and devotion, I saw the same strength my nanu once instilled in her — a strength she now passes on to me.
As I try to navigate through my mom’s absence, I try to relive the moments we shared together and hope that it will give me the strength to keep going. During these times, I thank God for blessing me with a person who understands and loves me to this extent. Now, eating a meal without her presence feels empty. But even from a distance, she is still the wind beneath my wings.
When I miss her and the tears come out, I remind myself that she spent years building my wings. Every lesson she gave me, every moment she stood beside me, was her way of teaching me how to lift off. As I face the hardship of being away from her, I try to fly using the strength she poured into me. Her influence will never leave me — it’s stitched into the wings she helped me grow.
Hitarthee Tank is a sophomore from Surat, India majoring in Molecular and Cellular Biology and minoring in Business.
