When I was little, I always made sure to turn on my nightlight before heading to sleep. From the concept of monsters hiding under my bed to other unknowns in the darkness, I had my fears and suspicions. However, a tiny, dim light capable of warmly illuminating my whole bedroom was all that I needed to give me the assurance that it was probably just my mind trying to play tricks on me and that if a monster were really hiding underneath my bed, I would at least be able to foresee it instead of being blindly frightened by it.
Now that I live in a college dorm, of course, I have the classic dorm essential, a string of fairy lights hanging on the wall above my bed. It compensates for a nightlight, and although I may not possess those particular fears and suspicions to the same extent as when I was younger, I still enjoy falling asleep gazing at the twinkling lights.
Going to bed with a light on has been a non-negotiable part of my routine ever since childhood, its physical presence allowed me to see in the dark (so that my younger self could keep an eye out for monsters), but today/now, it also internally and symbolically provides me with a feeling of security and comfort amid the darkness. There have been days full of excitement and fulfillment that I never wanted to end. On days like those, I am resistant to falling asleep. On the contrary, there are days when it seems to take forever for time to pass, and that drains the life out of me, leaving my head clouded with doubt and negativity. But no matter how I’m left feeling from the day I’ve had, the warmth that my light emits is always the same. This warmth sets an ambience that quiets my inner monologue so I can properly rest and recharge. So, although my use of a nightlight may have initially served as the solution to my fear of the dark, its role has gone beyond that, serving to enlighten my mind as well.
Now, since we have officially entered the holiday season, with Christmas less than a month away, I have grown especially fond of my fairy lights. This is because they give the impression of incandescent lights wrapped around Christmas trees, garlands, light poles, the list goes on. As part of the holiday festivities, we have the opportunity to adorn these ordinary objects, making every detail of them come to life. It's a little unfathomable that just the simple addition of a string of lights on a tree can put me in awe, happy to admire it for hours on end, but it does. Light really just makes everything shine. There must just be an instant connection between radiating light and radiating joy as Christmas lights never cease to bring about a smile on my face.
When thinking about the joy of the Christmas season, there are endless moments I can recall, but my ultimate favorite has always been and still is the drive back home at night and seeing all the houses in my neighborhood lit up with Christmas lights and decor. No house is exactly decorated the same; each has its own special flair. However, no matter if a house simply hung warm-toned string lights around its trees or if a house went all out, making sure no part of it was without light, the magical holiday spirit is still the same.
I obviously won’t be able to enjoy the lights around my neighborhood while I’m on campus, but as I walk back to my dorm from a late-night study session, I never cease to take my time admiring the strings of lights spiraling around the lampposts. I have overcome my childhood fear of the dark and now rather appreciate it because only in darkness are you able to witness how brightly light can shine, whether it's the darkness outside or inside of you.
Catherine Chan is a freshman from Potomac, Md., studying Molecular and Cellular Biology. She is a Social Media Manager for The News-Letter. Her column consists of reflections on various moments in her life, from the distant past to the current present, in pursuit of discovering the underlying impact they have on her life’s story.
