For many, there are no words. The tragedy of Christopher Elser's death has cast a shadow upon the Hopkins campus as students, family and friends struggle to remember him, faced with a tragedy that is incomprehensible.
The loss of this young and enthusiastic junior is prompting shock, outrage and for many, a fear of a world that once seemed safe.
For those close to Elser and for the entire Hopkins community, closure may never come, but in the week after his passing, the hundreds affected by his death are struggling with memories of his short 20 years and the seeming fleetingness of life.
From the beginning, the University joined in an outpouring of concern and support for Elser and his family. President Brody and Dean of Student Life Susan Boswell joined friends and family at the hospital over the weekend, and sent regular campus-wide e-mails, keeping students up to date on Elser's status, ending with one titled, "Remembering Christopher Elser."
"We have been deeply and permanently affected by the tragedy of Christopher's death. For many of us, talking with each other and standing with the family at the memorial service has been very helpful," University Chaplain Sharon Kugler wrote in a campus-wide e-mail.
The South Carolina flag flapped softly in the wind behind the scene of Elser's memorial Tuesday, as friends and family marked the event with everything unique to his personality. An exuberant southerner, the loudspeakers played his favorite country songs, and even the attire was unique to Elser: shorts and Rainbow brand sandals. And while the setting was unique, many felt it could not fully express his vibrant character.
"No matter what he was doing, Chris was going to live life on his own terms. Not even a tragic ending could change that," fellow Sigma Alpha Ep silon (SAE) brother Cory Weingarter, '05 said to the gathered crowds.
In his three years at Hopkins, Elser's presence resonated across campus. A freshman recruit on the soccer team, Elser pledged the SAE fraternity and remained an athlete on the club soccer team. Within his fraternity, Elser was said to be both extremely popular and respected. As SAE president Joe Fontanetta said, "We all strived to be gentlemen, but we never had anyone embody it as much as Chris."
Flying up from his hometown of Camden,S.C., high school friend Bert Lockwood spoke of his respect for Elser."The kid had lived probably the best 20 years of anybody I knew," Brentwood said. "There are just as many people in South Carolina right now, because we love him just as much," said Ashley, another high school classmate who made the trip to join the hundreds gathered on the Upper Quad.
"Perhaps in talking, we will understand Chris' life a little better. But we will never understand his death," President Brody said to the still crowd. Scores of students who knew Elser have shared tributes and memories, and have gathered and consoled. However, many near to Elser are without means to understand. Not yet a week has passed since Elser's death, and many close to him cannot talk about the senseless tragedy that claimed his life at the SAE house.
The impact of his life and news of his death has resonated across the country. Andrew McCormick, who attends the University of Michigan, has been lifelong friends with Elser since they attended middle school together. Hearing about the events of the weekend prompted him to contact the News-Letter for more information about the friend he had known for almost a decade.
He reminisced over knowing Elser, calling him, "A good man, an honest person, and an intensely loyal friend." In trying to sum up the ways in which he appreciated Elser's friendship, he ran out of ways to describe him. "This isn't candy-coating an average person; he really was a remarkable guy."
McCormick reaffirmed what many have expressed, that Elser was a "guy that wasn't afraid of doing what was right." He told of the first time he met Elser, when he had just transferred to a new middle school.
"On the first day, I was at school, eating lunch by myself. Chris walked up and said, 'I heard you're the new kid, I wanted to say hi, my name's Chris Elser.' And we'd been friends since then. I always appreciate that [story] because it symbolizes how Chris was, a lot of times." Although McCormick regretted that they had not kept in touch as often, he said he worked to maintain their friendship. "He's a good man, and a good man's hard to find."
On campus, Elser's close friends spoke for almost an hour at the vigil, remembering anecdotes and sharing emotions about the lost junior. Juniors Popi Benisch and Emily Hutchinson offered their top ten favorite ways they appreciated Elser. With stories ranging from how he helped change their light bulbs to instituting "mandatory cuddling sessions," they illustrated Elser's loyalty and spontaneity.
They ended with one simple statement: "Our absolute favorite thing about Chris will come as no surprise to anyone who knew him. It is his love of life, friends and family and his ability to express that love unreservedly, that made him a pleasure to be around and makes us honored to have known him."
For those who knew him only briefly, the impact of his character has resonated just as deeply. "I knew him casually, and that was enough to know he was a genuine person," said Jonina Lasser, '06, who neighbored Elser's room last year. Lasser said she has been working through his death, speaking with other friends who knew Elser, and remembering anecdotes from his life. "I've been trying to deal with it in a constructive way rather than a destructive way, tightening the bonds between friends." For Matt Brinker, '06, who played club soccer with Elser, he said he will remember Elser as a "stand-up gentleman." He related how Elser went out of his way to make him feel comfortable and "always made you feel important when you hung out with him."
"I was always jealous of his incredible energy and personality and ability to make friends anywhere and anytime," he said.
And for those who knew him for most of his life, the pain is insurmountable. Elser leaves behind two sisters and a family that will now have to work to bridge the rift in their lives. Speaking briefly at the service, the Elser family also issued a statement thanking everyone who helped and showed their concern, urging friends and family to remember Chris's life. Addressing Chris' friends, they ended their statement, "Remember him. Always take Christopher with you as you go through life, and live full, happy and productive lives."
In grieving, Hopkins is coming together, slowly, to piece together memories of a life that was cut too short. April 19, 2004, marks not only the death of Christopher Elser, but a chance to remember his life. Yet, while many remember and celebrate Elser's life, fully coming to terms with his death may be a long way away. As Fontanetta said, "For those of us who live where that crime was committed, closure may not be an option."
