Call me crazy, but I want my girlfriend to watch porn with me--I kind of think that if she does our sex life would improve. Have you heard of couples doing this before, or should I just keep my mouth shut?
My introduction to the porn industry was the film Captain Blowjob. I remember watching the Captain in his speedboat, courageously rescuing a slew of naked women who all seemed to be stranded at sea that day. All he asked for in return was a breathalyzer test--or two or three.
I got roped into renting this award winning film while at the video store with a guy I was seeing at the time, and he thought it would be a great idea/bonding experience for us to watch porn together. I'm sure in the back of his mind he believed "we" would learn something from it, but let me share what I took away: 1) When lost at sea, be naked and people will find you. 2) Large breasts in times of crisis can be used as floatation devices. 3) Never yawn while there is a naked man around, he might take it as an invitation.
As a general rule, porn, or at least the conventional stuff, is made for guys. Since my encounter with the captain, I've had the difference between X and XXX explained to me and had more than my fair share of guys try to convert me. But it just hasn't happened.
Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the stuff. I think porn is really funny, actually. But to me, I can't relate to the films I've seen, making it more something I'd watch for entertainment than would get me ready for making one of my own. Although I don't think that you're in the minority for wanting to watch porn with your girlfriend (and you're not even close to the first one to try), remember that if at first you don't succeed, there are other ways to improve your sex life.
Let me explain a bit of the female psyche you're trying to navigate. Girls need a story line -- and I mean a real one. If you're at a loss, pick up any book by Anne Rice or Ana*s Nin. If you're set on sharing your collection of movies, you have a better shot with something she can follow than Schilder's Fist or Black Cock Down. If there's anything your girlfriend can relate to, you'll have a shot (and maybe she'll even see something she likes) --which is the point after all, right?
This might be a personal pet peeve, but one reason no one's ever sold me on the couples bonding elements of porn is that at least the stuff I've seen since The Captain has made women subordinate and dominated (and not in the good way). If you're trying to tell her something, whether you're into fetishes or head on a speedboat, just say it and talk about it with her.
Another pitfall is the reality of it. This isn't a weight or size issue; everyone gets performance anxiety. I think the best role reversal of this I ever saw was at a friend's house where he was explaining the difference between XX and XXX. At one point the male lead comes on screen, and my friend just turns to us and asks, "Most guys aren't that big, right? ... I just can't do that." (And for general reference, no, most guys don't look like that).
Whatever movie you guys decide to get, make sure you're ready to reassure her that, no, she doesn't havesound or act like Jenna Jameson or Debbie when she visits that famous city. I know that's a given for you but not always for us.
Finally, if you still want to try porn, this and most other issues can be avoided if you just go together and get a movie. This lets you both pick one that you'll like, and she'll be able to get into it from the start. The point here is not to re-invent your sex life-- if that's what you're looking for, what's missing is not in a movie. If you're trying to movie out of missionary, then don't pick anything too advanced that might give the poor girl a hard attack.
The key is working with your girlfriend. Just by wondering if it's ok, you're recognizing that some girls aren't even open to the idea, but if you're entertaining the thought of asking, then your girlfriend probably isn't one of them. If she is closed off to even the idea of watching a movie, then I think you have the cause of the problems in your sex life right there, no movie needed.
I'll give your girlfriend a break and say if she's just seen one too many movies she hasn't liked. But if she's not down for ever trying a movie she can pick out and turn off herself, then you might want to talk with her about what's really bothering her.
The other alternative to all of this is that she doesn't see the need to shake things up like you do. If this is the case, tread lightly, egos are easily bruised and the poor girl could really be trying her hardest. I know this isn't the ideal way to approach the topic, but at least you'll have started what seem like a badly needed conversation.
I wish I could recommend a list of movies to make life a bit easier on you, but if it's not already apparent, the porn industry has yet to endear itself to me. What I can suggest, is do not make this the main event. When in doubt, a yawn is just a yawn.
