Taylor Swift is like, so obsessed with the Kennedys

Everyone is talking about Taylor Swift’s new album Red and how much it speaks to them. Not gonna lie, her lyrics speak to me, too.

I don’t know why people are talking about her music so much when they should be talking about how she is stalking the Kennedys. Okay. She’s not actually stalking them, but that’s what Gawker tells me, and that’s where everyone should get their news.

By stalking the Kennedys, I mean that Taylor Swift is dating high school senior Conor Kennedy, son of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and the late Mary Kennedy, and the grandson of the late New York Senator Robert F. Kennedy and Ethel Kennedy. Conor is 18 and Taylor Swift is 22.

They may or may not have met through Conor’s family, who Swift quickly became BFFs with after Rory Kennedy, RFK’s youngest daughter, took her kids to one of Swift’s concerts. There were originally rumors that Swift was dating Patrick Schwarzenegger, Conor’s cousin and the son of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver. Those turned out to be “false,” or perhaps a cover to hide the fact that she was actually dating Conor.

Now that we’re past name-dropping every Kennedy we possibly can, let’s talk about the media storm around the pair. Ever since their relationship was confirmed, there have been countless rumors and conspiracy theories, such as the fact that Swift bought a house across the street from Ethel Kennedy and that her and Conor crashed a family wedding. Even major news outlets obsessed over a time that the pair was caught kissing. My favorite story this summer, however, were the allegations that Swift “kidnapped” the poor, unsuspecting 18-year-old. In reality, she was in Nashville preparing for the release of her album and missed him so much that she casually sent a plane to him while he was suffering through his senior year at the prestigious Deerfield Academy.

Now that is a little disturbing. I can maybe deal with the fact that she is four years older than him, but he’s allowed to skip class just because she’s able to charter a jet for him? I am more disturbed, however, by her transformation from country star to New England WASP. I liked it better when she was the girl who didn’t fit in in high school and didn’t date guys who go to boarding school and are a member of the most reputable American families.

The best part of this story, however, is her friendship with Ethel Kennedy, who frequently talks to the press about how well Swift is fitting into the family.  People usually feverishly wait for Swift’s albums to come out so that they can decode what ex-boyfriend each song is about. This time, on Red there is a song dedicated to Ethel Kennedy. America knows this, because if you read the lyrics in her liner notes, the letters that are capitalized under the song “Starlight” spell out FOR ETHEL. Plus she sings, “I met Bobby on the boardwalk/ Summer of ’45.” She either just really appreciates Kennedy family history, or is hoping that someday someone will write a song about the time she dated a Kennedy.

UPDATE: OK Magazine reported this afternoon that Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy broke up. Stay tuned for her next album, where there will undoubtedly be a song about their relationship.