Guys, let’s be real here. Sure, Verizon finally getting the iPhone after, oh, a bazillion years is pretty exciting, but the real gift brought to you by 2011 is MTV’s brand spankin’ new season of ... dun dun dun ... JERSEY SHORE!
That’s right, ladies and gents, a mere few months after our favorite self-proclaimed “guidos and guidettes” vacated Miami, leaving a slew of destruction in their wake (no, seriously, Sammi isn’t even allowed back in the state of Florida anymore, or something), they have returned to Thursday nights once more.
This time, they’re back at their original house in good ol’ Seaside Heights, flooding old haunts like the boardwalk, the novelty T-shirt shop where they “work”/suffer hangovers, and, of course, the fist-pumping haven that is nightclub Karma.
Though the gang’s finally returned to where the magic started, a few key things have changed.
First and foremost, firecracker Angelina has not returned, despite having wreaked the most fantastic havoc possible in season two. Instead, Snooki’s BFF Deena has infiltrated the shore house.
At first, there were concerns that this change would be traumatic. Angelina was responsible for a large chunk of the interesting drama in Miami. Who was Vinnie going to call the “Staten Island ferry”, and then “smush” in a drunken disaster, breaking poor Snooki’s heart? Who was going to play both sides of the Sammi/JWoww drama? Really, how could Angelina ever be replaced?
Luckily, Deena took her clothes off in front of the Situation after, like, two hours at Seaside, and proposed a threesome involving her, the Situation, and Snooki after a couple of episodes. All was well.
The other major change in the shore house involved rooming situations.
Inexplicably, the world’s most awful lovebirds, Sammi and Ronnie, decided to shake things up by taking one of the rooms with three beds.
Needless to say, absolutely no one wanted to share quarters with that horror show.
Snooki, JWoww and Deena managed to snag the other three-person bedroom. Deena showed off her vibrators. It was a special moment for all.
Unfortunately, with all the three-person bedrooms taken, Vinnie and Pauly D reluctantly had to abandon plans for one of their own.
This led to one of the best moments in Jersey Shore history: watching the Situation’s face when he realized he had to live with Ron and Sammi for the rest of the season.
The Situation has sure gotten his share of the Ron and Sam crazy. Ronnie and Sam fight in almost every episode (when they aren’t fighting, they lie on their respective beds and stare at the ceiling).
In last week’s episode, the Situation came back to his room to find that Ron had dumped all of drunk Sammi’s stuff on the floor after she yelled at him for cheating on her in Miami.
Ronnie and Sammi aren’t the only lovebirds locked in an endless battle, however. Snooki, who has lusted after Vinnie since their trysts in season two, has tried desperately to reclaim her beloved since first setting foot in the shore house’s hot tub in the season three premiere.
While Vinnie finds the offer tempting, he has, for the most part, refrained. He remains a good friend, however. Snooki seems to be battling a drinking problem after passing out on the beach and getting arrested. Vinnie has offered some strong support.
In other news, JWoww went through a bad break-up with her boyfriend of several years, leaving room for a new love, Roger.
Sammi quelled some of the drama left over from last season by making amends with Snooki, and, eventually, JWoww.
Pauly D still sings energetically when the cabs arrive. Also, his hair is just as shellacked.
And the ever-effervescent Deena continues to seek sexual solace in the Situation. Will he give in to her advances? Only time — and tequila shots — will tell.
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