Welcome to the male sex column. Written by men, for men (mostly, but with benefits for female readers) and deemed cool by men.
So I am writing for men. About sex. What do you guys want? More sex? Better sex? Sex with the women (or men) of your choosing? More likely you want all of the above, and I do not blame you.
This means, though, that you will be asking yourselves what the objects of your sexual desires want. And they want what they call the "perfect man."
The perfect man is actually the comfortable man. The capable man. Put him in any situation, and he will not lose his cool. He IS the cool. Can he be stressed? Yes, we can all be stressed, but he has dealt with stress before, and he has always seemed to come out on top. He is not bothered by stress.
Stress is simply a way of telling him that he now has to adjust to something in his environment, or himself; it is not telling him to freak out, get upset, angry, or sad. Two advantages here: 1) This is clearly a more enjoyable way to live (kind of by definition), and 2) This is very attractive to people.
"But Pierce! Why?"
Because getting stressed is an indication that one is genuinely threatened. Meaning you have doubts that you will fare well in the coming future.
I ask you, reasonable reader, would you, interested in maintaining your own growth and welfare, pursue a person who continually doubts his or her welfare?
No way! You want someone who will be around, who will constantly be offering more. Someone who is capable.
"Pierce! How do I become capable?"
Well, the comfortable man is the capable man. If we are talking 100 percent perfect, then he can be a rock, a tiger, a sex god, a worm, a desk, a sensitive boyfriend or a pencil. He can stand perfectly still, roar, make anyone climax, wriggle on the dance floor, support a friend's foot, listen and understand and scrape himself against paper in order to leave a mark.
Hardly anyone is 100 percent capable, but those who are close generally have dealt with two sets of overarching categories of their lives.
The first set is more well known: It is the spiritual, intellectual, emotional and physical. This is dealt with all over so I will leave it at that. Just know to improve your weaker areas. Anyone considered a "master" of one of these usually has some competence in the other three.
The other set of categories is more a division of people and is lesser known. There are visuals, audios, kinos and digitals. Most of the world is visual, as sight takes up a large portion of our understanding of the world. To develop a more comprehensive perspective, one must understand through as many means as possible.
These are the main categories. They will also allow for more, stronger connections with others, as you will be better able to understand them.
It may seem a trivial matter, but when a kino asks an audio, "You feel me?" the audio may be more likely to respond with "Yeah I hear you." So if you continue the common metaphor, you win more rapport; See what I mean?
With more rapport, you can worry even less about what to do or say and simply enjoy the present moment. This builds attraction, because effort communicates neediness. Neediness is a turnoff. No one pursues the guy asking people to like him. Furthermore, once the attraction is laid, so will be the attracted.
The place where living in your head is the worst is in bed. Just stop thinking and go at it, kid!
This is where the investment pays off. You set up the rapport, you now have a connection. You can better read and communicate to your sex partner without having to say, "Wait, no, other way, aim higher."
Now you can save your energy for words like, "Yeah, you like that, you greasy whore." Way more preferable to hear.
There are little tests online you can take to see which category you fall into. I am digital, big time, and I have a feeling a lot of Hopkins students are. Then work on the ones for which you have the lowest ranking.
If it is audio, take music theory (I am doing this) or a second language.
If visual, try art.
Digital is logic-based so try philosophy and practice articulating concepts or ideas you have.
Kino? Try being a little more sensitive, thinking less and also using more physical contact in the course of conversation.
When you master all these, the sex will come, and so will you, and more importantly, so will (s)he...
