March 15, 2008: Yo what's up Diary? It's your boy Matt Hunter. But this week, my name might as well be Mad Hunter. And my middle name should be Booby. Because I'm gonna be a Mad Booby Hunter! Spring break!
Me and five of my closest bros are gonna be heading down to South Padre Island in Texas to soak up the sun and the honeys for the week. Why South Padre? Because the beer is beerier and the babes are babier! And you know what they say: the closer you get to Mexico the weaker the laws get.
It's a legal continuum, like flying towards the sun. The closer you get to the sun, the hotter it gets, but you don't want to actually land on the sun, because they'll steal your organs in Mexico man, seriously, while you sleep they'll cut you open for your organs. My bro Rick has a bro Nate who has a brother Jeremy (the biological kind, not the awesome kind) who's a lawyer and he told us that. But we're just going close to Mexico! Aww yeah, Mad Booby Hunter on spring break!
Also Rick's grandmother has a house on the SPI (that's what all the chill locals call it), but she's in a hospice right now 'cause she's dying of kidney failure, so we get to use her house. Spring break!
March 17, 2008: Yo what's up Diary? The Mad Booby Hunter reporting. I haven't bagged any babes yet, but that's just 'cause I've been too busy drinking like, gallons of beer. Seriously, dude, gallons. Did you know that if you squeeze lime into beer it tastes like ... like, f---in' ... lime in beer tastes great, man, that's all I'm saying. Did you know that? Did you know that, Diary?! Answer me! Did you f---ing know that, Diary?! No, you didn't. 'Cause you're just a little book that I write s--- in. Suck my d---, Diary.
Nah, I'm just kidding Diary, you don't have to suck my d---. Aight, I'm gonna go hit the beach again. I'm so glad I bought these mirrored sunglasses so I can scope out the babes all stealthy-like, with my eyes like f---in' titty ninjas. Oh snap! Are they here? Are they there? Nobody knows! Mad Booby Hunter out! Spring break!
March 18, 2008: Yo what's up Diary? Mad Booby Hunter here. There are so many fly honeys on this island. Their bodies go like Pow! Pow! Pow! Blam! Pow! ... I was moving my hands closer and farther apart to illustrate, but I guess you couldn't see that, Diary. Well trust me, they're seriously hot.
No, I haven't gotten anyone in bed yet, but that's just 'cause I'm a patient hunter, like the Maori of ancient New Zealand. Trust me, I've been getting plenty of attention on the beach. Sometimes it feels like the ladies just can't take their eyes off of me. Yeah! It was totally worth it to buy all that creatine and make a pledge shave my back for me. Spring break!
March 21, 2008: Yo what's up Diary? It's your boy the Hunter here. Still no kills, though. Damn, it's already Friday, and I still haven't gotten any booty. I don't know what the deal is. All my bros have found chicks, so I've had to sleep in the laundry nook in the basement for the past three nights. I don't know why I haven't gotten any. I've been buying honeys drinks. I've been saying clever things about all the things I'd do with their titties. I've been subtly flexing in plain sight. Seriously Diary, I'm starting to get desperate. The Hunter needs some action! Spring break!
March 22, 2008: Yo what's up Diary? MBH in the house. We're in Rick's mom's Sequoia, leaving the SPI like pronto. We weren't planning on leaving this early, but um, we had to, because the Hunter got a little aggressive and might have taken shots at some game that wasn't exactly in season. So my bro Rick called his bro Nate who called his brother Jeremy, who told us to get the hell out of there before the cops got involved.
There's some legal thing about how if you do something on an island you can only be arrested for it on the actual island. So the bros are rollin' out! We might be changing hunting grounds, but I still need some play. Spring break!
March 23, 2008: Yo what's up Diary? It's Matt Hunter. That dude Jeremy is a little bitch. That legal advice about islands and stuff was mad wrong. The girls took down our license plate number before we left and the cops found us on the mainland. So now I'm awaiting trial for sexual assault or some s---.
But I think it'll be all right because my bro Jared has a bro Craig who has a cuz (the biological kind, not the ghetto kind) who's a paralegal or something. But none of us had enough money for bail, and I can't call my parents because they're still really pissed from when I totaled their 3-Series. Now I sort of wish that I hadn't gotten my back shaved. Or my pubes waxed into the shape of Texas. Hunter out.
