Presenting: A humorous analysis (based on stereotypes) of how each of Hopkins's majors relate to sex. No minors will be included, since sex and minors are generally looked upon as a bad mix by the law.
Africana Studies majors have been voted most likely to experiment with new "tribal" customs.
Anthropology is a discipline concerned mainly with holes and bones. Enough said.
Behavioral Biology majors love to study courting customs and may record any "mating calls" you happen to make. On the upside, they do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
A Biology major will gladly explain to you the evolutionary necessity of sex as well as the various benefits of sex for the species and the individual. Beware of pickup lines involving DNA helicase, gibberellin and alpha helix and beta barrel interactions.
Biophysics majors enjoy drifting into nostalgic analysis of Reich's sex-economy and orgone biophysics, so try to keep them focused on the activity at hand.
Chemistry majors take a lot of labs in which they cultivate one of the oldest laboratory methods: place in hot water bath to speed reaction. They're also experts with aphrodisiacs.
The classics major deals mainly with columns and public nudity, making its students well-suited for exhibitionism and documenting activities in ornate, well-hidden books.
Cognitive science majors struggle with the interdisciplinary nature of their courses and often find themselves with a single-track-mind when it comes to sex. Try to talk them out of having sex in conjunction with MRIs or CAT scans.
Earth and Planetary Sciences majors eagerly await the day they can yell "it's raining men." They are also interested in sex in orbit to test fertility in zero gravity.
East Asian Studies majors would love to stay in for a romantic take-out dinner and a movie.
Economics majors are perpetually asking how much sex costs, and they often ruin their chances with principled girls. They are also handy when you need a price comparison of condom brands.
English majors play mind games in bed. Like this: "I would love to ____ (verb) your ____ (part of body) until you feel ______ (adjective)."
Environmental Earth Sciences majors are consistently voted most likely to have sex on the beach and are working to invent recyclable birth control methods.
Film and Media Studies majors enjoy creating pornographic media and erotic films.
French majors are the subject of many sexual stereotypes, including everything from the post-coital cigarette to body hair to various implications of how the unique pronunciation of French words may impact various oral activities.
German majors' sex lives are riddled with bad puns, especially those concerned regional phallic-shaped cuisine and surnames that begin with "Lich-."
History majors keep the most accurate records, whether in a notebook or on a bedpost, of their past. They are also the most creative when it comes to the "who would you rather do" game.
History of Art majors have entire textbooks devoted to nudity through the ages. They'd be only too glad to include you in their upcoming paper on current exhibits.
History of Science, Medicine and Technology majors are experts on the evolution of sex toys from polished rocks to the Jack Rabbit. Ask for a demonstration.
International Studies majors dedicate themselves to studying abroad. At least they're loyal.
Italian majors are likely to be stereotyped as decadent romantics, and may suffer jokes relating to Italy's active volcanoes and prevalence of cologne and hair gel sales.
Latin American Studies love going south of the border and are typically good with their hips.
Mathematics majors are trying to become derivatives so they can lie tangent to your curves. They also would love to have their natural logs integrated.
Molecular and Cellular Biology could extend their sex pili all day.
Near Eastern Studies majors tend to practice "proper" sex and may take you on a romantic Mediterranean cruise.
Neuroscience majors inquire about action potentials, and are often caught studying your synaptic cleft.
Philosophy majors spend many fruitless hours pondering the question, "Why sex?" Once they stop analyzing the metaphysics of attraction, they're typically fantastic in bed.
Physics majors live by the adage it's not the length of the vector that counts, it's how you apply the force. They are also diligently finding the spring constant of dorm beds, if you'd like to help a research project.
Political science majors aspire to Bill Clinton's deviant but lovable legacy.
Psychological and Brain Sciences majors end every encounter by asking how you feel. At least they're aware of your emotions.
Public Health Studies majors require in depth STI screenings and immunizations before any encounter.
Romance Languages is a field of study in which students may be too busy trying out seductive accents to realize they had you at "Bonjour."
Sociology majors are never lacking in social skills, so don't be afraid to bring them home to large groups of people sharing a common characteristic or behavior.
Spanish majors have both accents and dancing on their side, but their cooking takes a little getting used to.
Writing Seminars students will write you wonderfully crafted poetry, but you'll have to put up with the "Dear Diary: Met a hot girl, she seems into me, and here's an extremely long quote from Lord Byron about my feelings" mentality.
Undecided: Students who have not yet chosen a major may also have trouble deciding what position to use. Be warned: After a certain point this stops being exciting and just becomes tiring and mood-killing.
Applied Math and Statistics majors have declared, after studying game theory, that you shouldn't hate the player.
Biomedical Engineering majors have developed a combination of Prozac and Viagra.
Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering majors dedicate extra lab time to the formulation of chloroform, GHB and other useful chemicals.
Civil engineers require blueprints and an elaborate analysis of impacts before sleeping with anyone.
Computer engineering majors devote their Second Life accounts to the pursuit of sexual happiness.
Computer Science majors would like to know your ASL.
Electrical Engineering produces students suited for that specific niche in the bondage industry that uses electrical tape, alligator clips and many other creative devices.
Environmental Engineering majors are very adept at creating the ideal bedroom environment for a given encounter.
General Engineering, reporting for military role-play duty.
Geography majors would like you to know that your body is a wonderland.
Mechanical engineering majors are glad to develop a special robot just for you and are quite adept at gyration.
A special thank-you is extended to Craig Sadler and Sarah Sanchez for explaining what exactly a Biophysics major does.
