Am I alone in my cluelessness?
According to Facebook.com, 55 percent of Hopkins students list their political affiliation as apathetic.
That's a lie, but I just wanted to mention Facebook so you would be interested in what I have to say. I really found 269 matches, which of course is an under-count because the number doesn't include the people who were too apathetic to list apathetic as their political affiliation.
What is voting?
Voting is kind of like a multiple choice test. You get to pick between two different people. Sometimes, it's even easier, and you only get to choose between one person.
If you're unsatisfied, you can write in a candidate, but that's pretty much like making up your own answer for a multiple choice test. You're definitely going to be wrong.
Is there a difference between voting and a multiple choice test?
Yes. Typically, one is more important.
Hey, I don't like these candidates. Why do I have to pick between two crooks?
Would you rather pick between three or four crooks?
When do I vote?
Nov. 7.
It's a Tuesday. Yes, you might have a midterm that day. Go whine to the federal government.
Why should I care?
Jean Jacques Rousseau once said, "As soon as any man says of the affairs of the State `What does it matter to me?' the State may be given up for lost."
Then again, Rousseau also helped inspire the French Revolution, and look how well that turned out. Let me put it this way: Every so often, your money disappears. It goes to the government.
Maybe you should try to figure out where that money is going.
Will my vote count?
Not if you're a minority or voting on a Diebold machine. (Note: If you are dead, sometimes your vote will count.)
Can I vote online?
No, but you can text 55225 with the name of your favorite candidate after the commercial break.
Who should I vote for?
Don't.
What!?
Obviously, you don't have a clue what's going on and you shouldn't vote or you'll probably screw things up more.
Shouldn't you be telling me that it's my civic duty to vote?
It's the civic duty of people like me to vote in order to cancel out your stupid vote.
