The Sugar and Spice Quiz

Well. The QM ain't too sure about that. Right now, the QM is personally full of about two dozen cherry tomatoes, a handful of Goldfish crackers and half a bottle of Cherry Coke. And that is just what she is full of in the literal sense. If you look at more than just her stomach and small intestine, then you'll find that there is a heck of a lot more to the QM than a few lousy food-flavoring powders. In this respect, she is not alone ? of those individuals lucky enough to be blessed with two X chromosomes, few are made up of so little. The QM knows this for fact, because the QM is, herself, a girl. Lady. Woman.

Whatever. When push comes to shove, the QM knows that she is a she, and not just because she shaves her legs instead of her face and watches the Lifetime network. Despite there being treated rather shabbily for the first few thousand years of human existence, the women of the world have made some mighty fine contributions to civilization ? Post-It notes and Mrs. Field's cookies spring very readily to the QM's mind. Of course, not all womanly contributions can be confined to the kitchen or organizational fields, which is just one of the chick-related things that this quiz will examine, along with such varied and feminine topics as: why do girls smell better than guys? the physics behind the "throw like a girl" phenomenon; what do girls really want? do they even know? [Disclaimer: all topics may not be examined as promised.]

This quiz is not limited to those in immediate possession of a pair of breasts, of course. Guys, you might even learn something. In any case, people of all gender identifications are welcome to take The Sugar and Spice Quiz! [And for those of you who might be worried that the QM is going off on a woman's rights and grrl-power trivia binge, fear not. The 'little boys' will get their turn next week.]

Get your answers in by 5:00 p.m. on Tuesday. You can bring them in to the office, e-mail them to news.letter@jhu.edu, or fill out the quiz online (at http://www.jhunewsletter.com). The winner gets $10 worth of goodies from our sponsors, Eddie's Market and Eddie's Liquors on the 3100 block of St. Paul.

1. What is a woman's prerogative?

2. Who sang the hit song "I Am Woman," anthem of the women's liberation movement?

3. If a woman is placed in a series of low-paying, dead end jobs, with the expectation that, five years down the line, she is going to be nursing her second child, rather than attending corporate luncheons and hobnobbing with CEOs ? what kind of 'track' is she on?

4. True or false: women blink more than men.

5. What is the name of the primary female hormone?

6. The QM does not like to fool around where toilet matters are concerned, and she is greatly annoyed when others look upon bathroom identification with a playful spirit. How many times has she gone off in search of a restaurant's restrooms, only to be confronted with a door marked "Mates" and one marked "Wenches," or "Se--ors" and "Se--oritas," or "Dicks" and "Janes." While such playfulness usually does not prove to be that much of a mental hurdle, the QM would prefer not to take any chances. Having that said, the QM admits that such cutsie naming is an improvement over the system that was in place in the days before indoor plumbing. Everyone is familiar with pictures of those old, creepy wooden outhouses, with a moon or a star carved into the door? Those celestial designs weren't just to make the outhouse a more pleasant place to take a shit - the moon cutout was meant for one sex, while the star was meant for the other. Under which sign ? moon or star ? did women lift their skirts?

7. Give a brief (5-10 word) and basic plot summary for the fairly recent movie "Sugar and Spice," starring, among others, Mena Suvari.

8 . One thing is true of all little girls ? they all grow up to be little women (unless they die before hitting puberty, of course). This metamorphosis was charted in the book "Little Women," which was, ironically, written by an author who hated little girls, and only wrote about them because seemed a topic which could bring in a pot load of money (and, indeed it was). Who is this minimisogynist?

9. If a government led by men is called a patriarchy, what is a government led by women called?

10. The QM is not a fan of grrl power. Girl power is fine, but grrl? Are people supposed to growl when the say it? The QM fervently wishes that a semi carrying a load of Webster's Unabridged will lose control and plow into a gathering of womyn, girls, and phiemaylz. For now, the QM will have to satisfy herself with avoiding such people whenever possible, and of congratulating positive examples of girl power. One such example is the Spice Girls, whose British accents rendered their rally cry an almost avarian "Gull Power!" That, and the fact that they managed to come up with a few catchy tunes, gives them a big 'thumbs up' from the QM. Even though they've recently disappeared from every media medium save the occasional tabloid, most people still remember the five flavors of Spice: Ginger, Baby, Scary, Posh and Sporty. But who knows the names of the women behind the spices? Listed in the order given by the QM, please.

11. What are the five age levels of the Girl Scouts?

12. Who was the first woman to win the Nobel Prize?

13. From a pop-musical perspective: what is it that girls just wanna have? Conversely, what is it that big girls don't do?

14. One thing that girls got that guys don't got: mammary glands. Guys have nipples, and some guys have breasts, but the QM has never met a guy who could get a dairy product to squirt out of his chest. (And she hopes she never does meet such a guy.) As great as mammary glands are, what with the feeding of children thing and all, they can sometimes cause the bearer no end of embarrassment. The QM, thank God, does not know this from experience, but apparently the breasts of a mother-just-been are known to leak. To say that her breasts are leaking, of course, is a very inelegant way to describe what is really just a fountain of life getting carried away ? what is the more technical way to describe it?

15. Put on your thinking caps: if the quiz about 'little girls' is called the 'Sugar and Spice' quiz, what will the quiz about 'little boys' be called?

Tie breaker: List as many nicknames for women as you can.

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