or those of us who fancy ourselves to be racers but find ourselves left high and dry without a locale to joyride, it turns out that we need look no further than Hopkins's own backyard. When speeding down the aisles of Superfresh on stolen shopping carts grows old, move on to bigger and better things - pirate yourself a car and take a new friend on a tour around the block with your new ride. Better yet, commandeer a tax, and keep the meter running.
Ignore the speed limit and pick an opponent. Get the guy with the fancy car, and throw some money on the table. Whether your car is properly souped-up or not, indulge the speed demon in you and push your car to the limit.
But first things first, Chin. You've got to find a spot to play these little games of cat and cat. Lucky for you, we've done all the hard work already. Hours of reckless endangerment, thousands of dollars in unpaid speeding fines and three visits to the impound yard have produced this list of Maryland's craziest, nastiest tracks.
For the rebels without a cause - and therefore with a lot of time on their hands - make these local streets your racetrack. Better than chocolate, better than caffeine, better than Ezra, nothing beats adrenaline for that healthy all-time high - healthy only as long as you don't manage to wrap both you and your vehicle around a tree. The environmentalists would come after you without mercy.
Just kidding. They'll probably leave you alone after staging a few sit-ins in your bedroom - we still love ya, Eric.
Included are opportunities for all skill levels, from silly freshmen to the haggard seniors jaded by Phys. Found. and Levering grub, and whether you drive a second-hand junk bucket or an uptown girl. Come one, come all.
To assuage my own conscience, I need to add this disclaimer: These suggestions should be taken with moderation. We here at the News-Letter don't want to be writing your obituaries in the weeks to come, so don't be stupid.
Route 83 North
For a thrill, this route puts your reflexes to the test with its stretches of straight driving punctuated unexpectedly with periodic waves of rather sharp curves. Poorly lit, this track makes driving at night feel like you're navigating through a video game through which you're constantly bracing yourself for obstacles to fall in your path. The bonus is, it takes you right in the direction of White Marsh. The route tends to be populated with rich old fogies, but they drive fine ass cars and, once in awhile, you'll come across a true-blue, mid-life-crises basket case who'll respond to your vehicular overtures to race. Pull up even with them and give them a properly menacing stare, and though their Beemers and Mercedes will more likely than not leave you in the dust, you have the satisfaction of knowing you gave some grandpa a much-needed ego boost. Unless you're the dude driving the Solera with the supercharger.
Perring Parkway
This road is not for the faint at heart. At first glance, Perring Pkwy. seems far from ideal for instigating impromptu racing, but for the feel of off-road terrain, driving at high speeds along this road definitely makes you feel badass. Overall a poorly-maintained road, Perring is chock full of pot holes and uneven cement patches that rocks the car to the core, and challenges the driver to simultaneously drive and keep his or her teeth from cracking. If your car doesn't have the benefit of expensive engine modifications, the average Joe Shmoe can pick up another average Joe Shmoe and feel cool, even if you don't look it. Perring has the added bonus of multiple stop lights that can unpredictably make the whole race come into a screeching halt, evening the score. When the light turns green, pealing out, although unhealthy for the tires, will excite the savage beast in you, and the rush will be incredible. Driving along Perring in a small car with good shocks turns the experiences into something akin to driving a monster truck - definitely a cure for those who have complexes about size, or rather, the lack thereof.
Charles St., Mount Vernon
Down on Charles St., there's a monster of a curve where Charles St. splits in two around the "real" Washington Monument - the one that actually has a statue of Washington and in no way resembles any known writing instrument. Additionally, this split falls at the bottom of a particularly wicked hill, so careening down Charles will suddenly be accelerated by the pull of gravity, leaving your stomach in your wake. Find a partner and doseedo around 'ole George. Just be careful not to crash into one another when you whip around on the other side - physics types would call it "torque."
Md International Raceway
Now, this is the real deal. Located in Budds Creek, Md., the MIR is where hardcore people go to really race one another on a real race track. Fanatics modify their cars up to wazoo - even as far as equipping them with NOS - so you're in for quite a show. MIR has something for the whole family; there's even a large playground for the kids. No alcohol is permitted on grandstand seating, so make sure to pre-party - but get someone else to drive. Call 301-884-9833 for information, or go to http://www.mirdrag.com.
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