I’ve always found peace in the sky. When I was younger, I’d look up at the clouds during long car rides and let my imagination go wild with stories of a fictional man jumping through the clouds. Even as I got older, my appreciation and admiration for the sky only grew stronger. I am from an area known as the Sun City. As such, I’ve always been able to define my home through beautiful sunsets and sunrises. When I came to Baltimore my freshman year, I was surprised by how different the sky was — sunny days felt like a cage and cloudy days were only dreary. I felt as though I was caged up by an unseen force that prevented me from being able to relax and take in my environment.
Leaving home for me was both exciting and terrifying. The idea that I was beginning a new part of my life was amazing. I was looking forward to making my family proud by being the first to attend college and I was determined to make the most out of my college experience. Additionally, I had imagined college life to be similar to the movies — late nights out with friends and large grand lecture halls. I even recall one time during orientation, when I was learning more about PILOT and how to be a PILOT leader, arrogantly thinking, “Wow, I just need an A? I’ll be a PILOT leader for all my courses next semester!” (Oh, how naive I was.) As my freshman year began, everything seemed bright and I was optimistic about my 18-credit course load.
Three weeks into my freshman semester was when everything hit me. The excitement of beginning school ended, and the course work began to pick up. What I thought were supposed to be “Midterm Exams” turned into "Beginning-term Exams.” I wasn’t prepared for how intense the workload at Hopkins was going to be, and I felt anxious all the time. As the weeks went by, the temperature began to drop and the days grew shorter. Clear skies were quickly overtaken by cloudy and dark days, and the comfort I used to find in the sky was overtaken as well. During that time, I felt so isolated from my friends and peers, and I was overwhelmed with the feeling of not belonging. What I had originally imagined as late nights out with friends turned into late nights at the library by myself, and grand lecture halls became dreadful places. This feeling persisted throughout the semester, but I knew my family back at home was so proud of me, and I didn’t want to let them down.
Over time, I learned to adapt to Hopkins and found solace even in darker days. I enjoyed sipping on hot tea from the FFC (hot take, the FFC is not as bad as everyone says) and sitting in Keyser Quad at night. Occasionally, I would catch the Entertainers Club practicing. I remember one night in particular, when there was something so cathartic about seeing those synchronized flames dance around. The sense of peace I found during that night carried on with me throughout the last few weeks of the semester. I began to go out of my way to meet new people and reached out to resources to better myself. The work I put in paid off and I was able to finish off the last few weeks of the semester with the same optimism I originally had when it started.
As a senior, I look back on my experience at Hopkins and I’m proud of how I’ve changed. I’ve been able to grow as an individual. I used to be so intimidated by new experiences, and now I seek them out. I’ve been able to adapt to the intensity of Hopkins and am no longer afraid of taking on more challenges — outside of Hopkins, for instance, I enjoy volunteering around Baltimore at soup kitchens, and it's made me appreciate the city. I’ve finally been able to enjoy late nights out with friends, and lecture halls do not feel dreadful anymore. Years later, and the sky at Hopkins is still very different from my home, but it’s no longer smaller. Instead, the sky is a reminder that I can find peace anywhere that I go.
Gabrielle Chavez is a senior from El Paso, Texas majoring in Computer Engineering with a minor in Entrepreneurship and Management.
