Charting the legacy of Janet Jackson’s nipple

I’ll tell you where you were. You were sitting on your couch, most likely in the spot your older brother just farted in, attempting to scoop salsa on top of your Tostitos chip. Your mom is somewhat drunk because she has inhaled two Corona Lites, and your father is screaming at Tom Brady through the television out of pure anger, jealousy or lust. Yep, I’m talking about Superbowl XXXVIII.

Now, why is this night relevant? Is it because it was one of the memories you have of your whole family together prior to your parents divorce? Try again. Obviously, this night should be important to you because it was the first night you saw a nipple that wasn’t your own or any of your male family members’. This was the night of Nipplegate.

For those of you who did not get to experience the wonderful situation illustrated above, I’ll explain. Superbowl XXXVIII was held at the Reliant Stadium in Houston, TX. The game was between the Carolina Panthers and the New England D*ckheads, excuse me, Patriots.

The winner would be the NFL champion of 2003. Exciting stuff, right? Oh, and Beyoncé sang the National Anthem. She wasn’t even big enough yet to be the halftime act. Which means someone bigger than BEYONCÉ was slated to perform.

Who was it, you wonder? In some attempt to remain relevant, CBS Sports asked MTV to pick a smattering of acts instead of one main performer in support of their “Choose or Lose” election campaign — not to be confused with P. Diddy’s oddly aggressive “Vote or Die.”

The line-up order was Jessica Simpson, Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, P. Diddy (this man just loves elections!), Nelly and Kid Rock. After Simpson did whatever the hell it was she did in 2003, it was Queen Janet’s turn to perform. She first crooned “All For You,” a 2001 title-track banger produced by Jam and Lewis. She next stomped her way into “Rhythm Nation.”

Then came “Rock Your Body.” Out stepped a fresh-faced Mr. Timberlake, hot off the heels of his solo career debut. The two began to grind, gyrating as if they were at a dance hall in the middle of July. “I’m gonna have you naked by the end of this song” — that’s when it happened.

The moment your young, childish mind realized jewelry was not limited to your ears. The moment you realized you wanted to go to Claire’s and ask if they could pierce your nipple. With this lyric, Justin Timberlake altered America’s collective apple pie- and baseball-loving brains forever by tearing off a piece of Janet’s costume and revealing her nipple shield and piercing.

And what did CBS do? Somehow they weren’t as entranced by the shimmering silver sun encompassing Janet’s mammary and made a quick cut to an aerial view of Reliant Stadium. Deemed a “wardrobe malfunction” by the press, J & J were not exactly shining beacons of love during the public post-Halftime show.

After the game, CBS received an enormous outpouring of phone calls; Most were complaints with the occasional creepy thank you. According to Wikipedia, Nipplegate is “the most rewatched moment in TiVo history.” If that doesn’t scream 2004, I don’t know what does.

How did this affect Miss Jackson if ya nasty? After exposing her ya-ya’s to 140 million viewers, Janet issued an apology stating that she never had the intention to offend anyone and the move was meant to expose only her red lace bra. Still, Janet was barred from the Grammy’s that year and halted plans for her starring role in a biopic of Lena Horne. Even a Mickey Mouse statue at Disney World that donned Jackson’s “Rhythm Nation” costume was taken down.

Janet had it rough. Not like Britney in 2008 at the VMA’s rough, but rough. But let’s fast forward past this part because it makes me sad. Let’s bring in 2009. Janet reinvigorated her career quicker than Donald Trump’s sexual stamina with the iconic album Discipline.

If “Feedback” was not the first song you grinded with a boy too, then I apologize. Janet began acting again, in movies such as Why Did I Get Married? and For Colored Girls. And in my most favorite turn of events, she found love and has a beautiful baby son.

Oh, and how did Justin fare after all of this? A simple slap on the wrist and featured spots on some of the biggest singles of 2004. The patriarchy strikes again!

Nipplegate changed all of us. You may think you don’t remember it, but you do and you probably blocked out the memory. Nipplegate was not only a monumental hit to CBS, but a dagger in the heart of the music industry as well, particularly for females. Nipplegate taught me that if you accidently get part of your bustier ripped off, it is not the ripper’s fault, but the one who wears the nipple shield. And that doesn’t necessarily seem fair. All Janet did was have a nipple piercing. Why did she get all of the punishment?

These double standards in the music industry have continued to this day. While male singers rarely get any flack for what they wear, what their bodies look like or with whom they’re sleeping, female singers have all of these factors intensely scrutinized.

Think about a rapper like Fat Joe. This man has literally made a career out of his weight and being a sub-par rapper. Riches, bitches and extravagance constantly surround Fat Joe.

Now let’s take a look at something like Lady Gaga’s most recent Superbowl performance. Gaga bestowed upon us a 13-minute long performance where she did the impossible. She belted out most of her classics while simultaneously dancing the entire time. Yet for some odd reason, all America could focus on was Gaga’s stomach. A stomach, by the way, that is more toned than one of the girls from “The Hills” stepping out of a tanning salon.

America’s attention was not on Gaga’s fantastic ability to give a whirlwind performance, but on the sliver of skin that was poking out of her sequined diaper. What does that say about us as a country, a society, even as humans? Whatever it is, I know that it makes me uncomfortable. But not as uncomfortable as I was when I watched my dad rewind Justin revealing Janet’s nipple 27 times.