To be honest, me and my Ouija board don't get along. But it was time to procrastinate, so I pulled it off the shelf, and began the methodical process of just letting go.
Suddenly, my hands began moving: "I-A-M-D-R-B-R-O-D-Y. What's your name."
Crazy. But I'm thinking: Hey, this is the interview of a college lifetime, and with the Internet, who knows what's possible anymore. I quickly send back my name, and ask a question.
"Dr. Brody, what's with this tuition increase? My parents saved for both me and my sister's college education, but the same amount of savings that got me through three years of this school will only get her through two. Are we pricing private education out of the range of middle-class America?"
The board sits for a second, then, amazingly, a response: We have held annual tuition increases under five percent for the last three years.
"Overall," I say, "that still means that the middle-class is having a harder time paying. Under five percent a year still means roughly a $2,500 increase, or $10,000 more for a four-year education."
The man on the Ouija line responds quickly: That increase is well within our peer group of institutions, he says, which includes the entire Ivy League, and universities such as MIT, Stanford, Chicago, Duke and Georgetown.
"I'm glad we're matching them. It still doesn't help my family afford the costs any better because we've successfully kept our tuition increase under some very high, arbitrary measure."
A small pause, then: It's still true that what Hopkins charges is a comparable price for a quality education. The board spells out "Thinking," then sends another thought: Your investment will repay itself many, many times over.
"That still won't help my parents avoid the tremendous debt after my sister's college years. Middle-class Americans like them can't afford to save for 18 years, and then pay loans for thirty more. On top of that, with more and more careers requiring college internship experiences that pay next to nothing, how can one make it through college without working five jobs and having a heart attack?"
The doctor spits back: This is a free country, last I checked. If you can't afford to pay, you can go somewhere else that your family can afford.
I reply as testily as I believe a Ouija board can allow me to: "Getting a Hopkins education provides opportunities for future achievement that cannot be obtained just through books. Your logic would lead to two systems of education: one well-connected one for the rich and affluent, and another for the rest of America." I hastily shut off the call waiting on my Ouija board. It seems John Edwards wanted to chat.
Well, the board spits back, colleges need to cover costs, and running an institution such as Hopkins requires money. This year's budget required an increase.
And my board man reminds me: There is no such thing as a free lunch. You would know this if you'd bothered to show up for your Econ. 101 lectures.
"True," I say. "So what can we do about the situation? You're telling me you've got a budget problem. I'm telling you it's not just about you. It's about equal opportunity and ensuring the promise of America."
Well, what are your ideas?
"We could start by increasing federal funding for Pell grants so more students could be included. More importantly, as the cost of tuition rises, so should the income level that is eligible for Pell grants, as many other grants for low-income Americans use the Pell criteria to determine eligibility. A program that rewards and encourages saving by parents for education should also be enacted. One idea: the government should match a percentage of funds saved by parents to extend and enhance the value of saving. It should cap this program by annual income, though, so that it can help those who need the help the most. Sure it will be expensive, but in an age where skills, education and networking matter more than they ever have, shouldn't we as a nation act to ensure that those able to do the work aren't hindered by a lack of funding?"
Some might call your ideas socialist.
"Socialism gives things away. I'm all in favor of work; in fact, I want to see a system that rewards and aids those who want to work, seek knowledge and obtain skills.
"By the way, Dr. Brody, if you returned your roughly $775,000 salary, how much would this year's tuition increase have been?"
At that point my Ouija board burst into flames, ending the conversation.
Raphael Schweber-Koren is the News-Letter Opinions Editor. He does not actually own a Ouija board.
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