The Gilman clock tower is the most iconic building on campus. We all have photos with it from our college tours. No matter what class you’re in, you can hear that wonderful Winchester chime every 15 minutes from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., with that additional blaring chime on the hour. It’s all very nice, but maybe a bit old-school. That’s what the Johns Hopkins Facilities & Real Estate office believes anyway.
If you like walking through an active construction site to get to class every day and enjoy a bit of 18th-century European kitsch, you’re in luck! Construction starts in 2027. But what is this great new change and, more importantly, who is funding it?
TAG! You’re it!
No worries, fellow broke college students! This upgrade is courtesy of world-renowned Swiss watch brand TAG Heuer, owned by luxury brand conglomerate LVMH. Other brands under the umbrella include Louis Vuitton, Fenty, Dior and BVLGARI, to name a few. But what would such a ritzy, glamorous megacorporation want with a research institution?
What if I told you that luxury goods are not selling well these days? Not because the average Louis bag costs more than a one-bedroom apartment at The Rotunda, but because the designs are falling flat with consumers. They just don’t have that eye-catching appeal. Boring designs recycled and rehashed, returns to disastrous 2000s trends for the sake of “nostalgia” for the millennials who honestly don’t care (and have medical bills to worry about). The sales and marketing teams of these titans just can’t seem to figure out what isn’t clicking. When this happens, you can only turn to the sciences.
Enter Johns Hopkins university.
In collaboration with the Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences, research studies are underway to discover what exactly makes people so attracted to luxury items and how these brands can utilize the data to make the next big fashion statement. TAG is first in line, its latest motorsport collection falling short of expectations. Some reviews said the numbers were too small and “Times New Roman-esque,” while others complained that the rubber strap was “very gaudy” and “unchic.”
But hopefully, with the help of these studies (which you can take part in on SONA), the secrets of our material desires will surface and lead to the creation of the next flashy watch to glint off the wrists of our extended relatives. So while this will look good on all our resumes, what’s happening to Gilman?
Cuckoo for Blue Jays!
Say goodbye to the old white clock faces and hello to the new Blue Jay Cuckoo Clock! Made from woods sourced from Swiss Alps, painted Blue Jay blue and dripping in gold accents, this birdhouse-shaped cuckoo clock will loom over campus in all four directions with all its Swiss decadence.
Thanks to the sharp timing of TAG, every hour will see the beloved Blue Jay spring forth to “cuckoo” without delay at all compass directions, so you’re never too far from your favorite mascot.
In a statement last Thursday, TAG announced the partnership with Hopkins.
“We are honored to be redesigning this historic building to be admired for years to come. Though we do not have blue jays in Switzerland, we are committed to recreating the likeness of this North American bird in style.”
