This probably sounds weird coming from someone writing a sex column, but I think a lot of the time we (as women) get caught up in trying to follow the advice we see in Cosmopolitan and magazines like it. It’s funny to think that most guys are terrified of magazines like Cosmo - I actually know someone who tries to throw his girlfriend’s out every time he finds it!
Unlike much of our generation, I never had much interest in Cosmo. Honestly, if I wanted sex advice, I’d buy an actual book on the topic. Cosmo actually is a great example of just why you shouldn’t follow the advice of everything you read. The problem is that I have no idea where they get their facts from (or who the hell they’re using for their surveys). Magazines like that are notoriously subjective and, more often than not, completely wrong.
Sex position guides from these magazines, especially, should be taken with a grain of salt. Most college students have at some point checked out one for more interesting sex position ideas than just missionary. I think everyone has probably seen those Position of the Day calenders or the Karma Sutra at least once. Unfortunately though, most girls rely on Cosmo for this too, like they do for advice on hair and makeup. And I can say seriously: don’t. Not only are most of the positions repetitive variations on basic positions, but a lot of the others are physically strenuous or kind of impossible. Actually, for a few it’s almost like the writers just took a pair of Barbie dolls and shoved them together into these strange mockeries of sex - I can’t help thinking that some of them are just setting up for failure.
Most of them would need to involve someone with significantly more muscle tone than most guys have, or even are capable of getting. That’s even ignoring that quite a few would require an insane height differential and weight differential. Not every girl is half a head shorter and 50 lbs lighter than their partners. Actually, some look like you wouldn’t be able to hold them for more than a few minutes anyway before completely losing balance and falling over. Not to mention the fact that a good majority of them that are meant to be especially “provocative,” really won’t do you much good unless your g-spot is out of whack (or you’re having anal). So I’m really not sure what on Earth they think they are accomplishing by publishing all of these positions that either won’t work or are basics that everyone does as being novel and kinky ways to liven up the bedroom.
Even worse though are the dating and physical attraction guides that are plastered throughout every women’s magazine. Despite all the quotes from psychologists and anthropologists talking about what this or that behavior means between men and women, they’re not cut and dry guides to body language.
Most of them try and tell you when a guy is attempting to play you just to get in your pants or if they’re genuinely interested. Well, that’s all going to depend on the guy. Someone who is good at playing up his body language (or any guy who has ever read Cosmo) can fake what we think of as real responses. That’s completely ignoring that fact that every person responds differently to social situations and that one guy’s cocky gesture may really be insecurity on another. The problem is that when you try and check someone out in a bar or a club and only focus on specific facial or body cues, you’ll miss the rest of the message being sent by his overall posture and attitude. Body language guides are worse than sex guides for being notoriously wrong and misleading. Besides, men might be reading too.
These magazines should never be used as a be-all-end-all guide for set advice. All of them are just desperately trying to sell copies to women by preying on our hang-ups about sex.
