Everyone knows that the MSE Library's really passé; and the Hut is scary and infested with mice that know more about chemistry than you do. Ordinarily, of course, you'd already be done with your work but your roommates keep holding impromptu parties to celebrate the evening's Seinfeld rerun.
In the desperate weeks surrounding midterms and finals, here are the places you haven't yet thought of running away to. In these four spaces, no one can disturb your efforts to commune with the wise mathematicians of years past.
Your shower:
Lock the door, turn on the fan and curl up in the corner of your shower. Sure, it's covered with decades of mildew and no, that's probably not your hair in the drain, but there's little chance of being distracted by idle talk around you. You won't be distracted by the bagel the guy in the next study carrel over is eating, what the weather outside is like and, most importantly, the Internet.
Your shower's general cleanliness (or lack thereof) will probably serve as a powerful motivator to get your work done fast and then get the hell of out there before anything begins to grow on you. As an added bonus, for midterms and finals weeks, consider laminating your textbooks so that basic hygiene can be covered without even having to put a bookmark in your physics textbook.
Gilman 500:
A hidden gem of a classroom that you've probably only been to if you're taken a Writing Seminars class, Gilman 500 is the best room on campus to turn into your private group study hideaway. It's the most temperate room in Gilman, it's got great light and when you're bored, you can take a break by listening to the crackling of the receiver for the Hopkins security guards' radio.
Barricade the small flight of winding stairs at the door, invite your crush from section, bring a couple days' worth of food and your sleeping bag, and spend your days buried in your European history notes and your nights gazing at the stars you could imagine seeing over the rooftops of Baltimore.
Second Floor of the Bookstore:
The only choice for the spendthrifts among you, the second floor of the bookstore is ground zero for textbooks. With a couple of tables already provided, you not only never have to actually purchase your textbooks, but you can drag one of those rugs no one ever buys over to your study area and get cozy.
All of the office supplies you could ever need are on the second floor anyway, and it's a great way to stalk people in your classes before classes even start. There's an unlimited supply of caffeine downstairs, and a venti Pepsi costs less than a dollar. Bring a jacket and, possibly, a ski mask for when the bookstore closes and you've got to break back in to complete your last problem set.
Remsen 1:
Now hear me out. What on Earth, you ask, could I be doing sending you to an actual classroom, where classes are held every hour and people are constantly coming in and out and talking? But wait, you start to say ... Isn't this the classroom where everything from Modern European History to Physics to Biology to a monthly poetry reading is held? And by sitting at the very top, where vertigo is a distinct possibility, but you're so far away that even the professor can't really see you, you'd never really have to leave.
By sitting through every class Hopkins offers and taking the finals come December and May, you'd be done with college in a couple of years.
So start early and young, leave your dorm room in the AMRs, buy a lap desk and a large pillow, and set up shop. With enough dedication and Adderall, yes you won't do much besides study in college, but think of how cool everyone will think you are.
"Man, that kid is always sitting at the top taking notes. It's a wonder his hand hasn't fallen off from writing so much."
"I heard he got it replaced with a robotic hand over the summer. He says this year he'll finally pass Orgo and get his masters degree."
"Wow. It's not a lifestyle I could handle, and he smells sort of strange, but still I really respect his dedication to the absolute pursuit of knowledge."
"Yeah. Are you going to PJs after section tonight?"
"Of course."
