It seems to me that the term "pre-marital sex" is no longer very accurate. A more accurate description of this intercourse would be "extra-marital."
Certainly this kind of sex is outside of any kind of legal, permanent union — but because it doesn't precipitate that union, it can't really be considered as the precursor to marriage.
Of the 50 or more people whose sexual histories I am familiar with, only one of them has had a sexual encounter that led to marriage. It's still being debated whether she got pregnant to "trap" him, but it led to a marriage nonetheless. Realistically sex rarely, if ever, directly leads marriage. Personally, none of my sexual encounters have led to marriage.
Enter "pre-marital sex" into a search engine, and you'll find that the majority of Web sites using the term are Christian Web sites advocating abstinence. Many of these Web sites cite statistics like "it's not everyone: only one-third of people surveyed are having pre-marital sex," and make claims about how pre-marital sex leads to many more cases of domestic violence, hospitalizations from date-rape drugs, economic booms for pregnancy test companies and demands for more variety in lubricants.
These same Web sites cite studies that show the "devastating psychological effects of promiscuity" and list horrifying stories (including guys crying alone in the locker room as well as girls going to the ER with various household object issues). The problem with all of these righteous sites is that not one of them has any kind of bibliography or footnotes. If the rule is you only have to cite things that aren't common knowledge, I must be terribly misinformed.
I'm not comfortable blaming domestic violence on "pre-marital" sex — I'd rather blame it on men who can't control themselves. I'm also not thrilled that sexual liberation is being blamed for creating people who see rape as a viable alternative to 'normal' sexual behavior.
Society, or at least American society, is increasingly accepting of extra-marital sex. Today there are entire television shows focusing on the libertine lifestyle, and there are some interesting statistics out there. In the average soap opera, "pre-marital" sex is referred to or acted out two to three times per episode. My favorites are when they have sex 1.5 times — the tension is palpable.
Also, nearly one third of American households subscribe to one of the Playboy cable channels or packages. I feel like that statistic might be a little low, probably because the survey's respondents didn't bother to investigate further if the wife answered.
As for the soap opera statistic, it must be an average that includes the Christian soap operas, because every time I've tried to sit through one of the secular ones, it's been extra-marital sex, incest, extra-marital sex, step-incest, extra-marital sex, adultery and a murder.
It also seems the media is overrun not only with extra-marital sex, but with suggestions of how to obtain it. I've known girls who've followed advice from Sex and the City, and there's certainly a large contingency who swear by Cosmopolitan magazine.
Furthermore one of the easiest ways to a modern girl's heart is to find a romantic movie and reenact a classic scene. Sing "A Whole New World," sweep her off her feet in the rain, bail her out of jail: if it happened in a movie and she's seen it, you're in.
Sure, there's probably something to be said for abstinence. I'm sure it works great for some people. But my question is, why say "No" if you're responsible enough to handle "Yes?" It's like turning down a large quantity of chocolate because you might gain weight if you make a lot of other compounded bad decisions. If you eat chocolate and go for a jog every morning, eat fruit and salads for regular meals and make sure it's the good-quality chocolate that isn't made of all milk fat, you'll likely be fine. I'm not endorsing reckless chocolate eating without the protection of a good metabolism and would prefer the presence of a toothbrush (and toothpaste) for good measure. That said, I highly recommend chocolate. It's a fantastic delicacy. If promise rings are your thing, I commend your willpower and dedication, but I'm much too utilitarian and hedonistic for that.
