I
t's easy to blame an unsatisfying experience on your partner. How many times have we all complained about size, endurance, rhythm and aggression? But you can't escape these situations without having egg (or other naturally protein-rich fluids) on your own face. It may not be his jackhammer rhythm at fault; it could be your lack of communication.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is not communicating during a hook-up. For example how is your partner supposed to know that you don't actually like your lip being bitten and pulled four inches away from your face when kissing if you don't tell him? More importantly how should he know to continue what he's doing when it's actually enjoyable? It's imperative that you let your partner know how you are feeling whether it's pleasurable or painful.
The greatest barrier to good communication is the ego. While in the middle of your job, it can be embarrassing to be asked to stop because it simply isn't working. Hearing "Ouch! That hurts," "No, not there," or "What exactly are you doing?" is a blow to your self-esteem. The worst way to react to uncomfortable situations is to give up. If you're worried that you partner is disappointed in your performance, stopping will be the best way to guarantee it. You don't want to fail at the job and then have your partner call up your best friend to get it done the moment after you leave. (Yes, this can happen to you.) When people are that sexually frustrated after spending time with you, it's time to change your style.
Everyone should view sex as a learning experience. No one knows all the right moves or performs flawlessly all the time. Set aside your ego and listen to your partner. The best partners are those who are concerned about not only satisfying themselves but also the other person. By accepting criticisms and suggestions, you are showing your partner that you really care about his or her pleasure, which is a big turn on. Listening is only the first part though, as you must follow through by putting their words into practice. You will fully redeem yourself and erase the mistakes you may have been making. As long as you reach the ultimate goal of pleasing the person you're with, you're golden.
Of course correcting your partner creates an awkward situation and you can sometimes seem like the bad guy; however this shouldn't prevent you from communicating your opinions. If you say things gently and politely without expressing frustration or disappointment, you won't seem like a jerk. Remain courteous and don't humiliate them. Offending your partner will only make them less interested in gratifying you.
Don't insult your partner's style -- simply say that this is not the right technique. This may not be their fault. Your partner could be accustomed to another person's preferences. You may not like slow, soft, gentle motions but the last two people he was with found that exhilarating. Give the other person a chance to become acquainted with your taste.
Always follow criticisms with support. Telling your partner what you don't enjoy will not actually let them know what turns you on. Respond positively to things that you enjoy. It will inflate his or her ego and continue your pleasure. Don't be afraid to be the teacher, as both parties will appreciate it in the end.
For those who aren't comfortable with bedroom talk, it's easiest to begin with nonverbal forms of communication. Words aren't always necessary in bedroom communication. Heavy breathing, moaning, back arching and hand griping are all signals of enjoyment. You can physically move their hands or body to the position that you prefer.
Words are really the only way to get maximum pleasure. When correcting your partner, try to avoid the words "stop," "wait" or "no." There's no room for negativity. In your sexiest, breathiest voice give suggestions followed by praise. Everyone gets turned on when they know they're turning someone else on. It's a natural reaction. The more you express yourself the hotter it will be.
There are certain boundaries when talking dirty. For example, though a certain administrator in Sexcapades announced her ability to spank, I wouldn't suggest yelling this out in bed. Don't bombard your partner with questions. It can be annoying to be asked every 30 seconds how it feels. You don't want to put the other person on the spot by asking mid-thrust, "Is the size good for you?" Do you really want to know if the answer is no? Furthermore, don't ask your partner to explain in graphic detail how things feel or how he wants you to perform. Let them simply experience it rather than giving a play-by-play like John Madden. Never throw out cheesy sex lines like, "Oh yeah, you like that don't you!" It can sound forced if it's unoriginal. But at the same time, don't make ridiculous nonsensical comments like, "You smell like mountains." Lastly too much communication can distract you from the actual experience. You should be primarily focused on how things feel, not how they sound.
It's not easy to be communicative during a hook-up. When you first begin, it will seem strained and unnatural. With time and practice it will come more comfortably. Have fun with it too. In this author's opinion, the louder things get the better it will be. Just try not to wake the neighbors.
