Dating faux-pas abounds at Hopkins

Out of the Blue

It now appears to be official: Prince William (gasp!) is soon to be engaged.

Damn. There goes my husband.

Just in time for a section on the Hopkins dating scene.

Hopkins apparently has an abnormally high rate of alumni intermarriage. Oh, really? I've been here for four years. No marriage proposals yet. And it's not like I've been in the library all this time I've dated.

At least I've tried, admittedly without much success.

Honestly, I don't understand. The biggest fight I've ever had with an ex-boyfriend was a result of my throwing a Nintendo controller during a heated game of Goldeneye (we were playing License to Kill -- very intense). I've never made a guy watch a chick flick, either. The only thing I would ever make a guy watch are the Denver Broncos.

No wonder I'm currently without a guy -- I practically am a guy. I'm busy; I don't want to talk about my feelings. In fact, the simplest way to my heart is in a `72 Datsun 240Z.

Still, dating has brought heartbreak after heartbreak. Sure, I'll admit it: I shouldn't have thrown the controller. It was a crime of passion.

But I just don't think finding somebody at Hopkins should be so hard. After all we've been told that college should be the best time of our lives. But when I look around at all the filled cubicles at the library on weekends, I have to wonder: What are we doing?

I guess I've had a great time in college. Dating, for the most part, has been fun. For whatever reason, Hopkins students, busy and stressed, seem to find the time and energy to put themselves out there and into the Hopkins dating scene.

Considering that Hopkins is essentially a four-year episode of Freaks and Geeks, the results tend to be hilarious. Consider my unfortunate roommate, once treated to a glass of water at Ruby Tuesdays. We're all broke, but honestly -- water?

And then there was my co-worker who went out dancing with someone from her Neuro class, only to be asked on the dance floor if she was having a seizure. "No," she said, to his concerned stare.

There's also my clueless friend Bryan, who once asked a girl out by yelling across the beach, "Can I pencil you into my ledger for Pazo on Saturday?" No, Bryan. No ledgers, no pencils, no Pazo. Just no.

I'll admit to committing my fair share of dating faux-pas. I was once carried to a fraternity formal after I decided to elevate my pre-game to "a whole new level." Then there was freshman year when I was taken to my first sushi bar, where I chose wasabi as an appetizer. Bad idea.

But I know we've all had our fair share of the less hilarious times, when we've behaved perfectly well and things just haven't worked out. I've been broken up with in an e-mail -- the week after I got out of the hospital.

Then there was a couple weeks ago, when the guy I'd been dating suddenly vanished off the face of the earth, without any wasabi incidents or pre-gaming slip-ups. What have I done this time?

"I sort of met this girl from Goucher, and I'm madly in love with her," he confessed when I awkwardly confronted him in the Hut. "She has the exact same top-rated songs on iTunes."

Oh. Of course. These things happen --- and you get over them, and then you try again.

Or do you?

Lately I'm not so sure. Sometimes I just want to turn off my cell phone, throw on some sweatpants and watch Monday Night Football all by myself -- it's less of a hassle. When I said this to my best friend, herself happily enjoying a five-year relationship with a fellow Hopkins student, she laughed.

"Hopkins is a small place," she said. "There might not be anybody here for you. But somewhere out there, there's somebody as nerdy and weird as you are. You won't die alone."

No, I won't. I'll buy a poodle.

But for now, life at Hopkins can be lonely. Hopkins students are incredibly independent, capable and focused, but who doesn't want somebody to bring them Ben & Jerry's? That shouldn't be so hard.

It isn't. When I think about it, I know that I am surrounded by people who will always pick up the phone when I call them, will drop everything if I need them, who will bring me Mint Chocolate Cookie Ice Cream and then go to the gym with me the next day. We all have people like that in our lives -- Hopkins, for all its shortcomings, is filled with people just like that.

And thank goodness. It's okay to have your share of dating disasters; it's okay to dump someone or to be dumped; everybody screws up, breaks down or humiliates themselves from time to time. But the point is that after, we have to remember that we all matter -- and then we have to treat each other like it.

Because now that Prince William is off the market, more Hopkins men might use the decreased competition to make their moves -- and they'll probably find that a lot of Hopkins ladies might be more inclined to say yes to that special evening at One World Caf8e. But in my case, Raiders and Chiefs fans need not apply.

Well, on second thought, what the hell -- life is short, and football season even shorter.