When it comes to irritating, endless acronyms, the government's got nothing on Hopkins. If you don't learn these, you'll function as effectively as a pre-med in IFP (see below). Try your hand at slipping some of these into your daily vocabulary. Use them as frequently as possible 5f it's an easier way to make friends than buying your way into a frat! Without further ado, here is your first lesson in Hop-Speak 101.
AC/RC -- If staying up late and starving yourself just to get your chemistry lab finished isn't taking off the weight you hoped it would, run over toward the lacrosse field and check out the Athletic Center/Recreation Center. Its healthy supply of cardio equipment and free weights, a climbing wall, swimming pool, basketball courts and other open space will help boost that eating disorder you've been working so hard on.
AcPro -- When your GPA drops below a 2.0, you know you're either in SAE or you're on Academic Probation. Don't worry though -- they don't notify your parents until after you've been expelled for general inadequacy.
AMRs -- Alumni Memorial Residences (I and II), aka the freshman dungeons. Most freshmen call these residences -- the only ones actually on campus -- their home, while the rest of them live in either Wolman or McCoy. This is the only place on campus where you can find a secret stash of 500 empty Miller Light cans hidden in your ceiling panels. There or inside President Brody's toilet, a la Homer Simpson.
APTT -- A Place To Talk. This is the peer counseling service on campus, housed in the front of AMR I. It's the first place to hide when your roommate threatens your life after you've annoyed the crap out of him (it really happens). APTT and the Counseling Center are your two best options when you need someone to confide in; both services are entirely confidential.
Arts & Crafts -- Even though they take more credits and have harder classes and are generally more intelligent than the rest of us, many engineering students refer to the Krieger School of Arts & Sciences by this name. It's okay though, we'll have the last laugh when they're stuck in a lab squeezing chemicals into test tubes and we're managing the local Starbucks.
Bawlmer' -- The self-proclaimed "Greatest City on Earth," as read on all of the city's park benches. It used to be "The City That Reads," but no one could read what the benches said. They'll get it right eventually... "Baltimore: Whose Idea Was It To Start This Place Anyway?"
"Believe" -- Baltimore's anti-drug campaign (i.e., "Believe that Baltimore can be drug-free"). Now, come on guys.
The Beach -- In a more exciting past life, the Beach (the big grassy circle in front of the library) was home to nightly parties on the wall and other... extracurricular activities... Now it's the place where Thetas and Phi Mus feed their tanning addictions. Just kidding; only Phi Mus. Just kidding; all sororities are amazing (don't hurt me, please).
Beirut (Beer Pong) -- The greatest never-ending debate known to man: is it called Beirut or Beer Pong? We don't care how trashed you are -- you go by the house rules, and at JHU it's Beirut.
Bloomberg -- New York's billionaire mayor and 1964 alum, Michael Bloomberg, has donated more money (and bricks) to Hopkins than, well, anyone. The School of Public Health and the most far-flung building on campus are both named after him. The Board of Trustees is in the process of re-naming President Brody in his honor.
BoE -- Board of Elections. The News-Letter covered this student-run cohort of Junior Conservatives of America without end over the last two years. It turns out no one cares about anything anyone does anywhere or anytime on campus, especially the BoE. That's why 1) no one read those articles, and 2) in a coup of Shakespearean proportions the Student Council abolished the board that elects them... finally.
Brody -- aka "The Man," "The Head Honcho," "The Big Cheese," or "Mr. Invisible." If you see him, tell us.
BMA -- The Baltimore Museum of Art, on the south side of campus. With free admission for Hopkins students, there's no excuse for being uncultured.
BME -- Biomedical Engineering, not to be confused with Biomolecular Engineering, Biochemical Engineering, or Big Waste of Time. Apparently we're like the best in the country or something...
Cafe Q -- What could be better for a library bursting with cutthroat students than a caffeine binge at 2 a.m.? This is the University's way of saying, "We know you're all pathetic losers and geeks, so we'll help make it possible for you to stay up studying all night, every night."
Charles Commons -- More generally known as the Charles Village Project, this is the huge construction project on 33rd Sreet between Charles and Saint Paul Streets. It will house a bigger bookstore, cushy dorms, and (hopefully) plenty of retail stores.
CollTown Shuttle -- This is the shuttle between the Inner Harbor, most local colleges and the Towson Mall. It's a nice idea and a convenient service, except for the fact that it's never on time.
CVP -- Charles Village Pub, located on Saint Paul Street. The lacrosse team has a monopoly on PJs, so everyone else goes to CVP. The food's good, and the service is, too. Drinks aren't the cheapest around, but they're nothing compared to the price of gas. $3.50?!
D-Level -- The floors of the MSE Library are lettered to remind you of how far below ground-level you are, and how likely you are to die if the building burns down. D-Level, the lowest of these floors, is a death trap for your social life, as the amount of time you spend down there directly correlates to your lack of friends. Make sure to ask seniors if they've ever experienced the D-Level Challenge.
Death Lane -- Every year, two or three people are hit and killed in the western-most lane of Charles St. Last year Mayor Martin O'Malley closed the lane down as a meager gesture of goodwill. How about controlling your scheming City Council members whose only ambition is to shut down our parties and get us thrown in jail for playing music to loudly?(See MPC below.)
Decker Quadrangle -- Hopkins has two quads, but we apparently need one more. Located on the southern end of campus, the quad will be nowhere near any student housing, and with a new Visitor's Center, it's clear that the quad has nothing to do with making JHU students happier.
E-Level -- The top level of Levering Union. This one's a sore spot. You may have noticed that Hopkins has no Student Union, even though administrators claim otherwise. E-Level used to serve alcohol and host parties. Then they got rid of that, put a PlayStation 2 up there, and changed the name to Levering Lounge. As of this year, all that's left of E-Level is a skeleton of a lounge that has been renamed to reflect its lameness: HopSpot.
FAS -- Foreign Affairs Symposium, the spring version of fall's MSE Symposium, has been plagued in recent years by cancellations and inadequate university funding. In the past year or so FAS has gotten back on its feet. With a successful lineup in 2006, FAS could overtake MSE as the most well-known speaker symposium on campus.
HAC Lab -- Homewood Academic Computing Lab, serving all your 24-hour porn needs, except for a brief cleaning spot on Sunday mornings when you'll just have to browse your roommate's stash.
The Hut -- This is just D-Level above ground, but with 24-hour service. As if you aren't sweating enough from the essay you need to finish by 9 a.m. tomorrow, the Hut has no air conditioning. This is some kind of joke, right?
IR -- International Relations, a combination of history, political science, economics and foreign language, and one of the most popular majors at Hopkins. Sign up here to prepare for a career in the government or a think tank.
Lax -- Lacrosse, Baltimore's homegrown version of Ice Hockey, with a dash of football's violence, a hint of soccer's athleticism and all the charm of white boys with old money. In all honesty though, lacrosse is one of the most fun sports to watch, and with our first Division I championship in nearly two decades under our belts, this year should prove to be even more exciting.
MICA -- The Maryland Institute College of Art. Students at this nearby art school know how to doodle with the best of 'em, and have more piercings than humanly possible. After freshman year, artsy JHU students can sign up for classes there.
MPC -- Our esteemed City Councilwoman, Mary Pat Clarke, came out of retirement from public service to officially institutionalize party-crashing. If you walk the streets of Charles Village after 4 p.m. (when she goes to sleep) and speak in anything louder than a whisper, she'll set the Vice Squad and $1,000 in lawyer's fees on you.
Natty Bo' -- The lifeblood of the JHU undergrad, Natty Bo' or Natural Light can be found just about anywhere. It's cheaper than a bottle of water and can survive a nuclear winter.
O'Malley -- The Mayor of Baltimore City, Martin O'Malley. Girls think he's hot; I think he looks like Anderson Cooper. I hate Anderson Cooper. He's such a grey-haired punk. YOU'RE LIKE 28?! HOW DO YOU HAVE GREY HAIR? Get off my TV screen.
News-Letter -- You're reading it. We really want to change our unfortunate name, but we don't want 109-year-old alums coming after us for retribution.
Orgo -- Organic Chemistry. Come sophomore year, you might be whimpering this in your sleep. Consider taking it over the summer when you stand a chance at an A.
Peabody -- The prestigious music conservatory in Mt. Vernon tied to Johns Hopkins. Think Julliard without the nice city.
Pre-Med -- If you don't know what a pre-med is by now, you're an idiot. Go to a different school.
Rape Steps -- The steps up to the AMRs from the Beach are apparently strategically proportioned to fit a woman's stride to help girls elude a potential rapist. This little piece of campus lore just makes us all feel so warm and fuzzy inside that we almost want to puke.
Rotunda -- Shopping plaza with a Giant, Rite Aid, Radio Shack, two-screen movie theater, and not much else. Go only when necessary, and avoid walking through Wyman Park to get there.
SAC -- Student Activities Commission, which is the body that distributes funds among campus groups. If you're in the Sci-fi Club, for instance, they determine how many times during the year you can rent "Star Trek: Voyager" DVDs and also the number of Klingon dictionaries you can buy using school money.
Schnapp Shop -- Is radioactive-blue vodka a mission in your life? Located on the corner of Calvert and 30th Streets, the Schnapp Shop accepts all forms of ID, no matter how bad your little brother is at using a laminating machine.
Spring Fair -- Every spring, Hopkins hosts a weekend full of craft booths, rides, a beer garden, concerts by major bands and the most unhealthily delicious food ever. Topping all of that, however, is the chance to walk around with giant turkey legs and deep-fried Oreos without being in Texas or at a medieval feast. Look forward to this one.
SuperFresh -- Hopkins has a shuttle that stops here, the nearest supermarket to campus that's actually worth going to. Don't get stranded there though; it's tough to get back with ten bags of groceries on your arms.
StuCo -- The Student Council is perpetually plagued by mishaps, overthrows, and general bickering. Under the leadership of junior Atin Agarwal , the most dysfunctional body on campus may stand a chance at improving to not-as-ineffective status. Stay tuned.
Uni-Mini -- University Mini-Mart, our only 24-hour convenience store, is set to be demolished along with the rest of the WaWa frat house, which sits across 33rd Street from Charles Commons. If they don't relocate, we'll be forced into a hunger strike.
WaWa -- The Alpha Delta Phi fraternity, recently relocated to the Burford Apartments. It used to be above UniMini, which used to be a Wawa store (hence the name). Apparently private development is more powerful than a whole team of football players. Who knew?
