When I realized that I was approaching the second semester of my junior year here at Hopkins and that my carefree (or so I like to pretend) days as an undergrad are more than half done, I decided it was time to get my resum together. As a result, I now live in what I like to refer to as "Resum Hell," or simply "Hell" for short.
"How can something seemingly so simple be so hard," you may ask. "Surely you've done something worthy of holding a place on your resume."
Well, of course I have .I think. I'm an editor for the Johns Hopkins News-Letter. Surely that holds some clout with future employers. And I intern in the U.S. Department of Justice Office for Victims of Crime in their Terrorism and International Victims Unit. That at least sounds impressive, regardless of the fact that all I do is photocopy and research stuff on the Internet.
But beyond that, what exactly do I have? I haven't won any awards since high school and, much to my parents' dismay, I still haven't quite made it to the Dean's List.
I work in a flower shop, I'm active in my sorority and I'm doing fairly well as a Political Science major in one of the top universities in the country, despite the fact that I have no time to sleep, let alone finish all of my reading. Unfortunately, that doesn't quite leap off the page and scream, "Hire me! I'm special!"
See, the problem, at least as I see it, is that you need to already have done or received something important and have it on your resum in order to get a great job or an incredible award. However, you can't get that initial job or award without something special already on your resum. (Incredibly lucky breaks and knowing important people helps, too, but the odds are definitely against me in that arena.) It's a never-ending, vicious cycle. Welcome to my personal Hell.
So what do I do? I embellish. I don't just "take notes at meetings" for my internship -I "collaborate with the director and other staff in brainstorming sessions."
I don't "sell flowers" - I "assist in coordinating sales for a small business."
Unfortunately, embellishment will only take a resum so far. So the next logical step is to head over to the Career Center and see what pearls of wisdom they can offer me. Enter problem number two. I'm a full-time student and I work almost every minute during the business day that I'm not in class. Well, the Career Center is conveniently closed on the weekends and at night when I can squeeze time in to visit them.
Granted, if I took the word of most of my friends at face value, then the Career Center wouldn't be of any use to me. But, dammit! I'd at least like the opportunity to give them a fair shot.
Besides, there's always the chance that they'll get me out of my Hell. I hope.
Seriously, though. Why is it that our future lives depend on how well we present ourselves on a piece of paper? And not just any old piece of paper. It should be that thick paper with watermarks in it.
There is an old adage that says you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. So why is it that virtually every person in the western world needs a stupid sheet of paper in order to get their foot in the door of a potential job? I don't think it's fair. And yes, I know. No one ever said life was fair. But I still feel like complaining.
The really annoying part of all of this is that employers don't give resums more than about five seconds of time anyway. And when they do, they definitely don't fact check it. So, how do I know that my piece of paper isn't competing against a person who took embellishment one step over the ethical line in creating their sheet of paper?
So with that in mind, I propose that we systematically eliminate resumes from our lives. Seriously. There has to be a better way for someone to judge qualifications then a silly sheet of paper. How do we do this? I have no clue. But, it has to be easier than it is to write the damn thing and honestly, that's all I care about right now.
