Some helpful advice for the freshman from one of the (less-)bitter seniors

The college season begins again. Seniors are past the point of no return. Juniors are thinking, "Man, what the hell am I still here for? I should have transferred when I had the chance." And sophomores - well, they're sophomores.

But freshman. Oh, those beautifully-innocent flowers - just waiting to blossom and be plucked from this wonderful institution. Each year they blow a breath of fresh air into the stale bowels of MSE and the Pike basement. They are a thousand new opportunities to find that girl or guy you haven't quite found (you sick cradle robbers). And we will laugh heartily while they have the same freshmen issues the rest of us upperclassmen had way back when.

For you froshes, the butt-crack of opportunity has just opened, and the glimmering red carpet of college life has been unrolled on the steps before you. You have doubtless been bombarded by orientation madness and a healthy dose of fraternity parties. Your first week of school has been alright - so far. You have come to Hopkins with romantic notions of earning your double degree in BME and Chem. E, as well as being premed and throwing in a minor in Italian for good measure; planning your way through medical school and earning your Ph.D. so you can have not one, but two, acronyms after your name when you're thirty-five. You are determined to conquer the world.

But be prepared for a wake-up call. Those steps will not be a gentle, floating descent. Your years here will not be satisfying and enjoyable (like virtually every other college you could have attended). No, these stairs go straight up - like a ladder - with professors stomping on your hands and students trying to shove you off all along the way. And every rung is lined with slippery dung from the administration.

Maybe it'll take a few weeks for you to realize it. Maybe a year. Your dreams will not come true. Your GPA will never be good enough to get into med school. Your teachers will suck, and no grade you ever get will be fair. Classes will be long, tedious and ultimately unrewarding. You will suffer chronic sleep depravation and work to no end for your low grades in meaningless classes (we're not in high school anymore, Toto). The library will be your home away from home, and you'll find those goddamn tables and chairs on M-level uncomfortable and restricting (more-so if you're a guy).

You'll realize that just because you go to a smart school doesn't mean everyone who goes here is smart. And many of the seemingly-smarter people have merely sacrificed their abilities to communicate for their ability to study.

Nevertheless, nearly everyone has some kind of hidden talent. It' ll take you a while to filter out the mind-numbing drones from the interesting gems, but they will turn out to be the most creative and intelligent people you will encounter as an undergraduate. You may find a champion figure skater across your hall, or a guy who played guitar in a band that released a CD. You may find an amazing painter in your chemistry class, or a talented pianist in your computer science class. I thought I knew some of my close friends freshman year. Then I found out one girl ranked in the top-five of women's fencing in the nation. Who knew?

Know that you cannot escape the spirit-crushing wrath of this school. You, too, will become embittered by the Hopkins undergraduate lifestyle of extreme (premed) competition, lots of impractical classes in the engineering school and a wide array of professors who simply could not care less about teaching. Throw in the fact that we have the lowest overall GPA of any comparable school because there is no grade inflation.

Most of your engineering professors will be painfully boring and drive you to humanities. If you are humanities, you won't have any of these problems. You will instead worry your head off about how exactly a writing sems or art history degree is marketable in the competitive real world. But your undergrad. experience will probably be worth it. By next year, you'll have changed your major three times, dropped that premed nonsense, and gone on to study something you actually enjoy.

Socially, everyone on your floor is your best friend - you feel you've known them your whole life. Most of them will disappear by senior year. Not all, but most. The ones left over will probably be your closest friends.

Remember your roommate horror stories. I think out of the dozens of people I hung out with freshmen year, only about two or three didn't absolutely hate their roommates. If there's anything that makes me nostalgic for freshman year, it's when we sit around and tell those stories.

Maybe you have a significant other from high school with whom you'll keep a long distance relationship. Yeah. Maybe. I knew at least 40 people my freshman year who arrived bound in a long distance 'thing' - not a single high school relationship lasted. Sad, but true.

Unfortunately, you'll never get to listen to G N' R and Bon Jovi in the E-Level of yesteryear. Instead, I'm sure you've all figured out how to drink in your dorms. Boy what fun.

But don't get me wrong, I like it here. Really, I do. These past three years have been quite an experience, and I honestly don't regret coming here. Honest. This is a cautionary note to freshmen, not a bitter one: try not to take things too seriously here. I've seen too many good people get hurt by being anal-retentive over silly issues. Relax, have fun, and don't be stupid.

Don't fool yourself into knowing what your future will be - chances are you're not going to marry your high school sweetheart, your best friend today can just as easily be your enemy tomorrow and, for the love of god, stop planning out the next ten years of your life. The rest of us haven't even planned our weekend.

Finally, be one of the positive, pro-active people at this school. If something is broken, fix it. No one likes hearing people whine about how bad this school is. Everyone loves to complain, though. Don't be that negative guy who knows only how to bitch. That guy sucks. Welcome, friends, to JHU.