A friend of mine loves giving blowjobs, and gives them out frequently, along with advice to all her eager friends on how to make a man go gaga. Girls revere her word. Recently though, word has trickled back around from guys that she's actually not that good. With all her practice, if she still can't pull it off, what exactly is the secret to a good blowjob? Does it even exist?
-- BJ Amateur
The problem is that a lot of guys can't articulate exactly what makes a good blowjob. One friend I talked to simply declared that "it should be like a Hoover." From what I know, there's more to giving head than calling upon 12 amps of suction.
There is such a thing as giving good head/oral sex/fellatio, but it shouldn't have to involve a vacuum. As long as you don't draw blood or inflict pain (and yes, it's happened), you're doing it right. The question should really be not how to make it good but how to make it memorable.
I didn't bring up your anonymous friend in my interviews in preparation for the article for fear people would know her, but as a side note, maybe someone should tell her to stop sucking so much dick. It's true that the best way to get better at something is practice but in this case it's also the best way to get an STD. Either way, it's less about the practice and more about what you do. Think of the rest of this as an introductory course. There is a lot more to know, but there are just some basics to try that won't leave anyone with scars -- mental or physical.
First and foremost, you need to think about if you want to get up close and personal with man's best friend. Most girls I know are picky eaters. They don't let things they don't want into their mouths, but for some reason this idea goes out the window for many when they'reconfronted with a penis. You're still putting something in your mouth. If you don't want it there, don't put it there. Not surprisingly, the best oral sex is from the girls who actually like giving it. Think about it. If a guy made gagging sounds when he's returning the favor, it would ruin your time, too. So if you don't like it, don't do it and you can both save a lot of time and energy.
If you've decided to give it a try, you're half way there. If you're really worried or confused, make your life easier and start with him either on a bed lying down or on the edge of a bed propped up so he can watch. Guys are truly visual creatures -- hence the massive porn industry -- so the more he gets to see, the happier he and Master P will be. If you've gotten this far also don't forget to put something under your knees if you're kneeling (pillow, knee pads if they're handy). Obviously, with your skills you'll be able to control exactly how long you're down there, but worrying about knee pain isn't exactly what should be on your mind either.
At this point each guy has his preference and what works for some will leave others at less than perfect attention. However, girls will usually fall into two schools of thought: teasers, and the girls who go straight for the gold.
Girls who tease generally are the ones who realize just how much control they have. And let me tell you, they do. So have fun with it. Picture eating a delicious and melting ice cream cone. You start at the bottom and lick the sides so they don't melt, then you working your way up to the top and then take in the whole thing. Teasers more or less follow the same strategy and who knows there might be ice cream involved, or at least a chocolate topping.
Also, with teasers, it's never a race. Enjoy the power you have and how much he should be enjoying it. So bring him to the brink, then bring him down. Do it a couple of times. It might be hard to gauge but it'll make for a time he'll never forget.
If you're really taking your time, and are more adventurous, you can start with the family jewels (carefully). This is one of those times when cutting your nails and keeping them smooth will really pay off. If you're into oral action right off the bat, go for it. This is a practice that can go either way for guys so gauge or ask (gasp!) if he's into it. Word of caution for the over achievers -- one at a time, it'll be more than enough.
If you're going right for the gold, the key is the art of multitasking; coordinating your lips, mouth, tongue, and hands will make you his gold standard. The point is to really make sure he can feel everything as strongly as possible. Making the skin taut will make him ultra sensitive to everything, so keeping one hand in an "ok" sign tight at the base will make him feel those 12 amps.
Advanced placement is all about coordination and stimulation. Experiment. Try making you hand into a tube or try twisting motions. Move your mouth and hand together or move them separately; always stimulating other parts of his body and alternate speed and pressure. Finally, remember to switch things up. I'm not suggesting you bring in a pink elephant out of left field, but not always knowing what to expect is half the fun.
Other things to also consider: it's pretty easy to pull off the hot-cold trick, and this can really be used anywhere on the body. Bring a hot and cold drink with you and have him close his eyes, or even blind fold him. Then, first sip one of the drinks and go to work; then have some of the other. The change in sensation will be amazing. There's also the infamous mint trick. Essentially you eat a mint before you start. But be careful: some mints are too strong and will turn him off to breath mints for a very long time.
As simple as oral sex, and guys, are sometimes billed to be, there's really no one formula. As with your own pleasure, it's all about finding what works for you personally -- I'm just providing some basics. Hopefully, you'll be able to work it well enough that I'll get a letter asking how to return the favor.
Editors' Note: In this weekly column, Jess Beaton will discuss her own experiences and answer sexual queries on any topic.
The columnist is not a trained medical professional. If you seek professional medical advice, please consult your doctor.
