Reflecting on the perpetual cringe of Adam Sandler

In the wake of the Oscars and the incredible wins for Parasite and Reneé Zellweger’s amazing performance in Judy, I decided to take this week to think of some of the worst acting I have seen. A name that comes to mind — and I will stand by this — is Adam Sandler. 

That being said, I loved Grown Ups, which is obviously no quality movie, but it was so much fun I didn’t care that he delivers every line in the same way (loudly).

But Click, Jack and Jill and dare I say it, Uncut Gems? No, thank you, Adam.

To all my film friends who are reading this and want to murder me, I say it again. Uncut Gems was bad! I wanted to like it, I really did, but the women in the film were the only good part and they had way less screen time than our screeching Adam. I’m sure he’s a good guy, but that does not a good actor make. He didn’t get the nomination for a reason!

Considering all of that, I decided to watch an Adam Sandler movie. Murder Mystery was released on Netflix in 2019 to a mixed bag of reviews, but Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 44 percent. I was willing to give Adam a chance to redeem himself, considering some people liked this.

Firstly, Adam Sandler’s mustache must be addressed; as I watched watch this movie I tried to ignore it. You can try this when/if you choose to watch this, as it is nearly impossible.

And then Jennifer Aniston playing Audrey, who is somehow married to Sandler in this universe, complains about how he doesn’t romance her anymore. If Jennifer Aniston was your wife, this wouldn’t be a thing (looking at you, Brad Pitt). You’d be showering her in gold because, look at her. Strike one for Adam, who goes by Nick in this movie.

Nick lies about his having booked a trip to Europe for their anniversary to get out of being yelled at, which I guess is supposed to be funny, and our adventure commences.

When a handsome stranger, aptly named Charles Cavendish, hits on Jen at the bar on the plane, you know shit is gonna hit the fan. Just the creepy, piercing way he looks at her is enough to warrant the first act turning point. Then to top it off, Audrey says he looks like a bad guy and they toast “to the bad guys.” Barf.

So Audrey and Nick end up heading off with Cavendish on his private yacht, because for some reason he invites them.

We meet the cast of eccentric characters, all completely stereotypical. A huge source of humor comes from comparing fancy European things and people with mundane American middle class things, like comparing Audrey and Nick’s wedding gift of a toaster to the diamonds that are the wedding gift for the fancy Malcolm, owner of the boat and scary head of the family Cavendish.

Also, I am pretty sure Malcolm is the butler from The Haunted Mansion. But I didn’t get a great look because he’s then stabbed in the dark and the mystery actually begins, after a semi-funny bit where the characters remove and reinsert the knife in the body.

The fact that Nick is a cop makes him useful-ish. But again, the American humor about him needing to eat some shrimp before he investigates gets old really quick.

An actual funny part of this movie is when the hot actress and the Vikram of Mumbai from the yacht go to hook up, and Nick and Audrey are stuck under their bed because of the whole sneaking around and solving the mystery thing. The actress is screaming about how hot she is because it’s the “only thing that gets her going,” which I will admit I chuckled at.

Honestly, as the movie continued, I will admit I was entertained. It’s certainly not the worst thing I’ve ever seen, because I have been trained to enjoy rom com/murder mystery tropes for years and this hits every cliché.

There is even a car chase scene at the very end (Jennifer Aniston drives a red sports car, which is obviously very funny because she is a woman) set to “Shoot to Thrill” by AC/DC.

The song must’ve been on loop because that scene went on long enough for me to make a cup of tea and come back.

I actually rolled my eyes at the last scene, which shows Aniston and Sandler riding off into the sunset on a train called the “Orient Express,” calling out the 2017 remake of Murder on the Orient Express, which was almost as bad actually.

I’m guessing the only reason Jennifer Aniston decided to do this movie was so she could get paid to hang out in Europe? Honestly, I can’t think of anything else.

I can’t rate this movie any higher than a four. It hits every cheesy mark, allows Adam Sandler to play the dumb husband he always does and is low budget enough that you can see Jennifer Aniston is actually a real woman.

To end, something I must comment on is this: how did the same man who wrote 2007’s Zodiac end up writing this? The world may never know.