The other day I was watching a re-run of Sex and the City -- already a reminder that there aren't enough men or shoes in my life -- when a phone sex commercial came on. Instead of the usual parade of hot young girls just waiting for you to call, Quest Personals employed the upcoming pink-tinted holiday to hawk their service. "Valentine's Day is the best time of year to be single," the bottled blonde purred into the camera "There's so much romance in the air, you're bound to hook up."
I'm not sure if "romance" is what people are really going for when they call 900 numbers, but I think we can all agree that the blonde's statement has even bigger flaws: It's a flat-out lie.
Valentine's Day ranks right up there with New Years Eve and class reunions in singleton horror. While you're crying into your empty mailbox next Tuesday, keep in mind that Valentine's Day, like its partner in crime, New Years, is almost always a let down, even for couples.
Having spent the first 16 years of my life being single on Valentine's Day, my first Valentines day gifts were utterly disappointing: a wilted red rose purchased in my High School's snack bar and a flu virus I received from my boyfriend last year. This year I've opted to return to my old single tradition of chocolates from my father and bitching with my girlfriends.
It seems Sandy Cohen (Peter Gallagher) of The OC got it right when he said, "If you're single, [Valentine's Day] is designed to make you depressed; if you're lucky enough to be in love, start shelling out chocolate, flowers, lingerie."
Knowing that those blissful couples aren't actually having as good of a time as they seem hardly comes as a relief to us single guys and gals. But it's not hopeless; you can get through the day alive -- and with a little luck, even have some fun.
First, you should count your blessings. This year Valentine's Day is on a Tuesday, so you can spend all day distracted by academic endeavors and hard work.
You can also be grateful that you're no longer in high school. During High School, my school's field hockey team sold roses to be distributed on Valentine's Day as a fundraiser.
But you're in college now and no one's counting how many flowers you get. By Feb.15 it will all be over. With the exception of the discount bin of Russell Stover's at Rite Aid, Valentine's Day doesn't linger around for weeks like Christmas.
So what should you do to make your Valentine's Day endurable, or even enjoyable? The obvious answer is to not let the day get you down.
Some suggest embracing your uninvolved status by sending your friends roses and going out to dinner and a movies. Unfortunately, the flowers will only remind you that they aren't from a real valentine, your dinner will be ruined by the couple canoodling at the table next to you, and the movie will just leave you depressed that you've never been knocked down by a Hugh Grant type in the street.. My advice is to stay inside, away from the gushing romantics, order Chinese food and watch something funny on T.V. -- just stay away from Sex and the City.
