The responses I got to the Orgasmic Chemistry survey were pretty good - well under the total student body, but probably around the same number of people that voted in the last StuCo election (and I didn't have seven stations manned throughout campus).
So I'm happy to share the results of the first annual Sex Survey. Consider this the State of the Union for the sex lives of the Hopkins student body.
As an overview, a little less than 200 people responded to the survey, with a slight majority being female and an overwhelming majority being undergrads.
However, I did find out the best place to pick up grad students is CVP -- it's good to know someone in there is legal other than the locals.
Speaking of bars, CVP took a narrow victory over PJ's. Might be people's fear of a certain bar owner? Just guessing.
As for other things that surprised me, a lot more girls take their needs "into their own hands" than you'd think. "Often" wasn't checked all that frequently, but when over about 2/3 of all girls said they get down with themselves at all, I'm impressed. Hopefully it doesn't correlate to a lack of helping hands, but it's good to know people are relieving stress here somehow.
Next, I'd say the people who don't "help themselves" usually managed to find someone else, although the number of people who admit to cheating on this campus -- almost half of all respondents -- explains why some people are so worried about relationships around here.
I am also happy to report that road head has a lot of support on this campus. The positive response was almost universal for guys and maybe a 50/50 split for girls. However, as friend said, "It's actually a form of cruise control." While a guy normally drives 90 or 95 m.p.h, when a girl is "working the stick shift," he suddenly has new respect for the speed limit. For the record, if someone is trying this for the first time just keep in mind that stopped traffic means that the trucker in the next lane is getting a free show.
Finally, the most amusing categories: places people have had sex, want to, and how often they are having it. For the record, here are some places you might not want to sit around campus: MSE study rooms (or in one case, the A-level AV room), the dugout (I hope it's at least the opposing team's), Gilman 500, the Clipper room (the room upstairs in Shriver), a Shriver bathroom (boring lecture?), any lab on campus.
Students also mentioned the AMR II bathrooms/lounge, Homewood and Wolman exercise rooms, the president's garden, WJHU's broadcast room, the gazebo by Bloomberg, the roof of Mattin (oh, the things I can see from my apartment), the H on 50-yard-line, and probably most impressively, Homewood House.
The list of places people want to have sex more often than not just reflects how much people want to use sex to get back at people. Why else would someone have sex in their roommate's bed? I feel like when people respond to the question "Where do you most want to have sex on campus?" by saying, "my advisor's office," they might just want to think about getting a new advisor.
In addition to an extensive list of campus buildings, there was "my old dorm room when I didn't get any," and the Phi Mu house (so many comments, so little time). Probably the most popular answers, however, were Brody's lawn, and for the criminally inclined, Brody's house.
Finally onto the subject of how people do it. Responses were pretty typical, although some names that came my way were creative: space monkey, playing the cello, jackhammer (which sounds like some weird form of assault), and perched flamingo (this just sounds awkward).
The other popular positions included the good old missionary and the variations of knees to ears/knees on shoulders, cowgirl (girl on top), reverse cowgirl (girl on top facing the other way), the ever popular doggy style, Harvey Wallbanger (also known as Santini style) and Eiffel tower (wishful thinking for most).
Finally, when people gave the last time they had sex, it showed me that the health center might be right after all -- high schoolers just might get more than we do.
The "yesterday" numbers had a sad showing with more "0"s than should be there. People in relationships (surprise, surprise) have been holding up the average pretty well by themselves.
So, you now have a good idea of what assumptions to make about your fellow students, as well as a handy list of things on campus you might not want to touch. Use this information wisely, and enjoy.
