The Red, White and Blue Quiz

Everywhere she turns, it seems, the QM's fellow Americans are red, white and blue-ing themselves half to death. Not to be outdone, the QM decided to devote this - the very first quiz of the 2001-2002 school year - to all things American.

And why not? The United States of America is, after all, the best damn country in the world. Even the QM, who usually shies away from worshiping the good 'ole Stars and Stripes, has to admit that, when it comes right down to it, this is a pretty nice place to live: freedom of the press, freedom of religion, plenty of fresh orange juice, tropical splendor in Hawaii and a skier's paradise out west, a famous waterfall, Disney World, Disneyland and Busch Gardens, voting, two states that almost rhyme with 'vagina,' the most Elvis-sightings of anywhere on the planet and more squirrels than you could shake a stick at - and if stick-shaking isn't your kind of thing, why not go after the little critters with a .45? Because here in America, you can do that to.

Amazingly talented as she is, the QM managed to squeeze all that (and more) into this week's quiz. As always, get your answers in by 5:00 p.m. on Tuesday. You can bring them in to the office, email them to news.letter@jhu.edu or fill out the quiz online (at http://www.jhunewsletter.com).

1. Sisqo is not the only important songwriter to have developed his lyrical chops in Baltimore. Indeed, the author of the very same song that has remained stubbornly lodged in the QM's head this past week wrote his most famous work right here in Baltimore. The song was first scribbled down during the American Revolution. The author, on board a British ship stationed in the Chesapeake Bay, (he had boarded the enemy ship with legitimate reason) was forced to watch a night's worth of bombs and rockets exploding over Fort McHenry. When, come daybreak, he was able to make out the shape of the American flag still waving proudly over the bebombed fort, this lawyer-cum-lieutenant whipped out a sheet of paper and scrawled out the beginning to what was at first known as "The Defense of Fort McHenry." That night, back in Baltimore (in a shady-sounding establishment known as the Indian Queen Inn), the author finished the song. What was the name of the man who penned the words to our national anthem?

2. We all know that the 50 stars on the American flag represent the 50 states, and we all (should) know that the 13 stripes represent the 13 original colonies, but how many people actually know the names of those original colonies? Listed in order from first to 13th, please.

3. According to Homer Simpson, what do the 13 stripes stand for?

4. Not only is the United States on top when talking about politics, economics and militaristic endeavors, it is also number one in a far more important arena: music. Yeah yeah, we may have not produced the Beatles, but we gave the world Madonna, Elvis Presley and John Lee Hooker. (We also are responsible for Christina Aguilera - but, hey, nobody's perfect.) The laundry list of musical talents who were born in the U.S.A. is enough to assure the QM that our country is a formidable force in the world of music. Match these American stars to their American hits:

5. Who was the last American to win a Nobel Prize in literature? [Hint: This author took the top prize in literature back in 1993 for novels like Beloved (Oprah's favorite) and Song of Solomon (the QM's favorite).]

6. Which U.S. presidents are lucky enough to have their facial imperfections carved into 60 feet of rock, making up South Dakota's Mount Rushmore?

7. Christopher Columbus "discovered" America in 1492, but the country (heck, the whole continent) was named for an Italian explorer who didn't claim to make it over to the "New World" until 1498 - and even that trip, six years after Columbus's, probably never happened. While this confused explorer did sail to the New World in 1499 - a trip during which he "discovered" Cuba - it hardly seems a deed worthy-enough to be rewarded by having one's name bestowed upon two whole continents. What was the name of this explorer, whose greatest contribution to history was lending his name to the country we call home?

8. How old was the U.S. on her last birthday?

9. If there is one thing that the United States is missing out on, it is large and interesting mammals. No elephants, no cheetahs, no hippopotami - not even a single wild white rhinoceros to spice up the vast and empty plains of the Midwest. As far as the QM can tell, the biggest beasts in the U.S. are: the fearsome wild cows of Montana and upper-Wyoming; the rats inhabiting the Baltimore City sewer system and the bear. Even when compared with the lions and tigers of the Serengeti, bears are nothing to trifle with - a good-size grizzly can grow to the size of a small car and is equipped with teeth and claws rather than a radio and anti-lock brakes. There are three main species of bear found in the United States, which happen to be conveniently color-coded - name the three, standard colors of American bear. [Hint: there are no neon-green or puce-colored bears roaming the woods of our great nation.]

10. One of the most immediately-recognizable symbols of the U.S, the Statue of Liberty, was a gift to the U.S. from what European nation?

11. What is the largest religion founded in the United States?

12. What is the day that will live in infamy?

13. What is the most popular pet in America?

14. Our founding fathers thought of everything. There is a system of checks and balances to prevent the president from pulling an Adolph Hitler; an entire document devoted to things like freedom of speech, freedom of religion and the right not to have your carpet trampled and your dinner eaten by no-good, freeloading soldiers; and a plan of succession in case a whole lot of high-ranking government officials all kick the bucket at once. Say the president is suffering from a case of rigor mortis that prevents him from carrying out his duties - the vice president takes over as president.

If the Veep is similarly unavailable, the promotion falls to the Speaker of the House of Representatives. Some people might have thought that a three-level chain of command was sufficient, but not the men who set up this system of government. Should the Speaker of the House have a prior engagement which prevents him from assuming the presidency, to whom does the honor fall?

15. During this time of national emergency, the QM's heart and mind were brightened by the sights and sounds of Americans rushing to help their fellow Americans in need: blood banks overflowing with enough blood to quench the thirsts of all of Transylvania; people pulling all the cash out of their wallet and then turning to the ATM in response to the Salvation Army's pleas for cash donations; and (this one actually brought a tear to the eye of the QM) a shot of an entire construction crew marching en masse towards the pile of destruction that was the World Trade Towers, preparing to rough up some rubble and help out in any way they could - just a few silver linings in this cloud of ash and smoke, as it were. Of course - and you knew there would be an "of course," didn't you? - Americans haven't always been this considerate to their brethren. There was even a time, believe it or not, when men bore arms against their brothers. That's right - the Civil War. Brother against brother. The North against the South. The Damn Yankees versus the slave-loving Cotton Kings. The United States against America. U.S. President Abraham Lincoln against - whom? Who was the president of the ill-fated Confederacy?

Tie-Breaker: Bang out a list of all the things invented by far-sighted and enterprising Americans. Good inventions, not-so-good ones, inventions that don't make sense - the most American inventions wins!

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