Published by the Students of Johns Hopkins since 1896
August 9, 2022


Schuster (left) and Jha (right) pictured in the Gatehouse in 1997 when they were both Features Editors.

Eat This!: G is for Gatehouse

It’s hard to believe that it has been nearly 25 years since the two of us were spending every Wednesday night in the Gatehouse basement, churning out the Features section late into the night and developing valuable skills and a lifelong friendship. After polishing stories from our writers, putting the finishing touches on our own features and laying out pages, we would use our last bit of sleep-deprived, slap-happy creativity to put together the “Cartoons, Etc.” page. This included constructing a quirky Word Find — with themes such as “Parsnip (And Other Words We Like)” and “After This, I Get to Go to Sleep (And Other Things to Be Happy About)” — and of course, writing “Eat This!,” the recipe column.

One of Gum's most memorable stories was covering the address to freshmen by then-University President Steven Muller, pictured in 1987 with former U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Alfred Carl Toepfer.

A look into The News-Letter in the late 1980s

Walking into the Gatehouse, to the right sat a long table with mismatched chairs. On a good day, pizza had just been delivered. On a bad day, half-empty boxes sat with grease congealing on cold slices. The paper had an arrangement with local pizza places: free pizza in exchange for ads. For hungry News-Letter staff, it was mutually beneficial unless you were a discerning eater. Cokes and Pepsis, regular and diet, were the fuel of choice.

“Henry James Korn and a plastered friend on a recent visit to the Milton S. Eisenhower Library.”

Telling truth to power in the '60s

As a precocious kid growing up in the ‘50s, I was a daily New York Times reader and avidly followed the ups and downs of President Dwight D. Eisenhower. In the early ‘60s, I chaired a student World Affairs Council in high school and dreamed about becoming secretary of state. 

In 2016, Baltimore entered into a 10-year Payment in Lieu of Taxes agreement with anchor institutions such as Hopkins Hospital.

How does the University's nonprofit status affect the city?

The U.S. government classifies most colleges and universities as nonprofits because of their “educational purposes,” exempting them from federal income taxes. This means that, despite operating four campuses in Baltimore, Hopkins is not legally required to pay the city any property taxes. 

Professors are now able to integrate anime into their Zoom lecture sessions.

University announces implementation of Japanese media into virtual curriculum

Due to restrictions for in-person labs, the University announced new changes to its curriculum to accommodate virtual classes. Students enrolled in labs related to biological sciences are now required to watch the Japanese program Cells at Work! along with its spin-off Cells at Work! Code Black. 

Azure Fowler, a noted furry in several social circles, has a constant yearning for an intimate, loving and sexual relationship with Jay the Blue Jay.

Freshman falls in love with Jay the Blue Jay sex doll

Freshman and self-proclaimed furry Azure Fowler was kicked out of Charles Commons on Wednesday after being found in a lounge area making love to a Jay the Blue Jay sex doll. Witnesses report that Fowler was completely naked except for his mask and that he wouldn’t stop shouting, “Wear a mask please!” 

Cut the monkey business: University discovers essay-writing service run by secret society

The Homewood Academic Council persecuted a group of students running an essay-writing business last Friday. This group, formally known as “LET OUR MONKEYS WRITE LLC,” was found to have captured a bevy of monkeys to perform the manual labor of their operation and, as stated in its business plan, “bolster capital accumulation and facilitate rapid returns on investment.”

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