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September 18, 2020

Ask Arden: Tips on how to ask out your crush

By ARDEN ARQUETTE | February 20, 2020

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This week's latest "Ask Arden" column answers how to ask your crush.

It’s always nerve-wracking to approach your crush, especially when your intentions are to clarify their feelings toward you by asking them out. Ultimately, everybody has their own style, and so, the way that you ask out a specific crush will differ. However, here are some helpful things to consider. 

Don’t be subtle. This may be the most important thing. People suck at interpreting hints. This works both ways: sometimes I think someone likes me but they don’t, and sometimes I wait around thinking that this crush MUST know I’m into them by this point while they are completely oblivious (but sometimes still like me!). So stepping up and putting everything on the table is great because you’ll either have initiated a relationship or be able to move on swiftly with closure.

Don’t read too much into “signs.” A lot of people overthink body language and syntax, but often this doesn’t mean much. So don’t hold back from asking out your crush if you think the signs are “off.” 

Some people may just need more personal space than others; conversely, some people act really flirty around everyone, but it may not mean that they’re into you. So being direct and telling them that you have feelings for them is really important. You can never know what’s going on inside somebody else’s head, so reading into their body language will just stress you out. Besides, reading into signs makes the assumption that their behavior is intentional. Most people just do things subconsciously, and it often does not correlate with their attraction to you.

Be confident. So many people skirt around questions when asking others out — but we want a direct answer when we ask someone out, and we want them to be honest. So, if you are confident and honest with them, it’ll make it a lot easier for them to do the same to you. What I mean by this is that dropping hints and hoping that they’ll make a move first does not usually result in much. So just go for it!

Think of a great first date. Some people think to invite their crush out to something they won’t be able to resist — such as a Ravens game if they love football or a concert if they’re really into music. These can be great options, since it’s a little more likely they’ll go with you. 

However, these kinds of big events don’t always end up being great first date options, since the aim is usually to spend time talking and getting to know each other, which isn’t as possible at a concert or sports game. I really like cocktail rooms or wine bars, since they’re aesthetic, and everyone tends to be more loquacious after a few drinks. (Obviously, only take this advice if you’re over 21, and make sure to drink safely!) Tip: If you know your crush pretty well already, then totally skip to the sports games and concerts! 

Practice what you’re going to say. I usually find that thinking of what specific phrasing I want to use helps to ease the nerves. So try some things out. Maybe practice in front of a mirror and think about what you really want to communicate to your crush. 

If they say no, that’s okay! Remember that you are an amazing person who deserves to be loved and desired. Your right person is out there, and if this one crush does not pan out, there will always be another one. Trust me. Remember that this person does not mean everything, and that you are enough on your own, with or without that, or any, crush. 

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