Published by the Students of Johns Hopkins since 1896
February 4, 2023

Black

You are probably very proud of the fact that you can drink black coffee and have been the one to bring it up more than once. Your friends appreciate your superior caffeine habits but don’t fully understand you and your lack of cream or sugar. Extending this into an analogy: You’re stoic, and the people closest to you understand this doesn’t mean boring, but sometimes people who don’t know you that well make the mistake of thinking you have nothing to say.

Espresso

You probably haven’t slept in about three days and everyone around you knows it. If your loud grunts of frustration that occasionally turn into caffeine-fueled maniacal laughter didn’t tip them off, the trail of disposable Brody Café coffee cups would.

Iced

You’re never cold, not even in the dead of winter. You grip your plastic cup and straw and do not feel the burning sting of oncoming frostbite.

Frappuccino

You aren’t afraid to indulge every once in awhile. Although part of you knows that you’re essentially drinking a milkshake, you bought it from Starbucks, so it’s easy enough to pretend that’s it’s just fancy coffee, and you can still eat dessert after dinner.

Cappuccino 

You enjoy sitting down for a moment and taking the time to enjoy yourself. You can just sit still. Only the tiniest of voices in the back of your head, which screams about how much work you have left to do before you die, stops you from fully relaxing. Thankfully you are able to mostly drown it in steaming hot milk.


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