Published by the Students of Johns Hopkins since 1896
January 21, 2022

If being a student at Hopkins has taught me anything, it has taught me that tests are the only real way to measure someone’s aptitude in something. Here are a few things I think I would be better at if they counted towards my GPA:

Cooking

When the closest you get to eating non-processed food is licking the spoon after your roommate bakes something, you know you have a problem. While I don’t think a test would be able to make me good at cooking, maybe I will at least be well fed as everyone around me starts cramming for their exam.

Laundry

Even I would do laundry if it counted towards my grade, but otherwise I need to get desperate. All I’m saying is it might not be a bad thing if I had the motivation to wash my bras more than once a month.

Roommate

Though it sounds like a game show, I think it would be a good thing to be forced through a trial run with your friends before you became roommates. If nobody has seriously injured themselves, hooked up or had any kind of traumatizing incident by the end of the week then everyone gets an A.

Sleeping

I don’t really need help with this one, I just think it would be such a huge GPA boost. Need me to sleep standing up in front of a bus full of people? Been there, done that!

Eating

Assuming we are graded on quantity over quality, I feel like I could also ace this class.

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