Published by the Students of Johns Hopkins since 1896
September 30, 2022

Shorts, Netflix and twerking: 10 things you don’t have time for

By KERYCE CHELSI HENRY | September 13, 2013

Sure, fall doesn’t officially start until Sept. 22, but as long as classes have started, it’s not like we have time to enjoy the good weather we’ll experience before then. In no particular order, here are ten things you can do away with now that summer is (basically) over:

1. Shorts. With the average temperature dropping 30 degrees after Labor Day weekend and almost every building on campus feeling like it was constructed from blocks of ice, shorts have no purpose around here. The end of summer means hiding your perfectly tanned legs in the insulated jail of whichever pair of sweatpants was on sale the last time you went to Barnes & Noble.

2. Sleep. By the end of the second week of classes you’ll start to feel it – the magnetic pull from your bed at three in the morning as you force yourself to get through that chapter, or that problem set, or that paper due tomorrow that still doesn’t quite have a thesis. Even though your Bed Bath & Beyond comforter beckons, you’re way too busy for something as time-consuming as sleep. Until the next holiday or fake hurricane, just think of your bed as a second closet.

3. Reading. Obviously there’s a considerable amount of reading required by a Hopkins education, but the reading you do during the school year is nothing like what you do during the summer. Summer reading is typically for pleasure, or for when you’re so deprived from not having responsibility that you have nothing better to do. Now, reading is the equivalent of taking heaps of food from an all you can eat buffet and attempting to finish your plate with just ten minutes left before closing time.

4. Candy Crush. Nothing made my summer more bittersweet than this addictive game. Basically, you have to match at least three of the same candy in order to beat each level – but it’s not that simple. Throw in the occasional timer, chocolate squares that replace candy, and a creepy, yet encouraging voice that constantly says “tasty” as you play and you’ve got a game that can eat up hours of your day without you even getting past a level. With classes starting, however, ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.

5. Netflix. I’m pretty sure there’s a law that says summer hasn’t started until you’ve spent at least two days on a Netflix binge. Whether you were giving into the hype of Orange is the New Black or trying to hold yourself over until the Breaking Bad premiere, you just had to take advantage of the expansive library that Netflix has to offer. But who can really fit Netflix into their schedule these days, what with schoolwork, jobs and extracurricular activities? Come October, Netflix won’t even know you well enough to suggest shows for your next marathon.

6. Instagram. The best part of summer isn’t having the opportunity to do cool things; it’s having the opportunity to brag about the cool things you’ve had an opportunity to do. There’s no better app for that than Instagram. Between finding the right camera angle, cutting the video, and trying to figure out whether you should add Hefe to your list of preferred filters, it’s the perfect equation for making your friends jealous. Now that the semester has started, the most aesthetic scenery anyone really sees is an exceptionally color-coded planner – good luck getting likes on a picture of that.

7. Drinks ending in “-rita.” This summer, Anheuser-Busch tried to unite classy with trashy with the Lime-a-rita and Straw-ber-ita, combining the taste of margarita with Bud Light Lime for what probably tastes like the floor in Maxie’s on a Saturday night, chased with off-brand lime concentrate. Even still, who can say no to a getting a cheap buzz on a summer night? With classes starting, however, a sip of a “-rita” can cause flashbacks of BBQs and midnight dips in the pool, likely sending you into a mild depression.

8. BuzzFeed. Okay, you probably spend more time on BuzzFeed during the school year than during the summer; next to Tumblr, it’s like Mecca for procrastinators. But browsing BuzzFeed lists when you have work to do as opposed to when you actually have time on your hands is a recipe for a guilt-ridden all-nighter: you tell yourself, “Okay, just one more article” — then you see an enticing link on the sidebar and before you know it, it’s 2 a.m. and you’re stuck looking at “27 Easy Vegan Snacks for Stoners.”

9. Becoming a YouTube celebrity. Studies have shown that everyone secretly wants to be famous. Thanks to social media, having a popular YouTube channel is the easiest way to do it. No need for auditions or contracts, just have an awesome camera, a snarky sense of humor, and a couple million views of your videos. Even still, people who actually make money from their YouTube videos commit basically every minute of their lives to filming and editing. Hopkins students just don’t have that type of time to throw away, though, so you’re just going to have to put your dreams of the limelight on the back burner for now.

10. Learning to twerk. If you’ve learned anything from Miley Cyrus, it’s that twerking is no easy feat. Twerking takes serious training – the world’s best twerkers started out practicing in their bedroom mirrors and beefing up their glutei maximi for optimal isolation. In order to be worthy of wearing t-shirts with phrases like “Twerk Team Captain” sprawled across the front, you have to put in the work; frankly, sacrificing study time just isn’t worth it. Stick to a simple two-step — your GPA will thank you.

 

Comments powered by Disqus

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The News-Letter.

News-Letter Special Editions