It’s that time again: the sun is out, the birds are chirping and prospective students and their parents are blocking the walkways of our campus. However, a simple walk around this glorious institution gives little insight to the type of people who call Hopkins home. So here’s something you can’t learn on a tour: 10 people you meet at Hopkins. I promise I won’t say anything to make someone change their mind about coming here (well, I’ll try):
1. The Frat Bro/Sorority Sister
Easily recognized by their hoodies emblazoned with Greek letters, or drunken stumbles off of buses on Date Night, the Greeks are everywhere. Not surprising, considering 25 percent of Hopkins undergrads are in a fraternity or sorority.
2. The Passionate Protester
Whether they’re flinging rubber fetuses on North Charles or topless in front of Char Mar, the protestors around here are relentless; few people around here take Freedom of Speech for granted.
3. The Philanthropic Public Health Major
Nearly all of my closest friends study Public Health, and their current lifetime accomplishments can be summed up as follows: saving the world. From Baltimore to South Africa and everywhere in between, public health majors are finding ways to end world hunger, provide suitable drinking water and basically bring happiness to everyone across the globe.
4. The Fashionable Foreigner
Hopkins prides itself on its ability to attract students from across the globe, but with the acceptance of international students comes the realization that us Americans are pretty lame. Foreign students come to Hopkins with their cool accents and cool clothes and cool stories about life in their native country while we nod in admiration, scarfing down Big Macs and reloading our AR-15s. What a shame.
5. The Industrious Engineer
There are countless engineering majors who make the walk of shame to the Registrar’s office in order to switch to the “School of Arts & Crafts”, leaving Garland in tears because they know their parents will subsequently disown them. The truth is engineering ain’t easy, and those that manage to stick with it until graduation must possess the diligence of the gods.
6. The Library Lodger
How many times have you walked onto C Level, realizing the guy in that cubicle was there yesterday, too? And the day before? This, my friends, is a Library Lodger. These people get far too comfortable in the library, bringing along pillows, blankets, and probably even a change of clothes to the MSE — I wonder if they even pay room and board.
7. Someone From New Jersey
It seems like almost everyone around here is from New Jersey. This is especially disappointing to a New Yorker; I spent my entire life bashing Dirty Jerz, only to realize some of my closest friends at Hopkins call it home. I guess that’s one of the beauties of this university: it brings people together that would’ve probably never interacted. I still think New Jersey is gross, though.
8. The Token
The pamphlets Hopkins sent me as a high school senior may have exaggerated the whole diversity thing, seeing that I’m often the only black person in my class, and it’s not too uncommon to only see one person of color in a group of friends. Maybe Suzy Lee Weiss would’ve had better luck getting into Hopkins. (Just kidding. We don’t need her type.)
9. The Phantom of Exam Day
You’ve been going to class religiously, taking the most diligent notes and toiling over them in the library. Finally, it’s here: Exam Day. You get to the lecture hall early to review your study guide one last time and right as the Scantrons are passed out, some kid you’ve never seen in your life sits in front you, ready to take the exam. This is a Phantom. Who knows why they would pay thousands of dollars in tuition to only show up to class to take tests, but as long as they don’t mess up the curve they’re fine in our books.
10. The Baltimorean
Last but certainly not least: the Baltimorean. She is characterized by an insurmountable passion for the color purple, and an adamant opposition to the assertion that Baltimore is nothing more than what can be seen on The Wire. The Baltimorean has a charming love for her city that you can’t help but admire. The pride is infectious, as was seen during the frenzy that took over North Charles when the Ravens rocked the Superdome in February. We can poke fun at the “Greatest City in America” benches and complain about Old Bay all we want, but the Baltimorean will always welcome us with open arms, reminding us that for the four years we are here at Hopkins, Baltimore is our home, too.
(Editor’s Note: #11 are Lax bros, but they need a whole column to explain.)
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