Ten rap lyrics that offer terrible advice

By KERYCE CHELSI HENRY | February 28, 2013

There once was a time when rap lyrics were inspirational. That time has passed. Sure, most rap songs are pretty catchy these days, but we would be screwed if we actually lived by the lyrics of our favorite songs. Here are ten rap lyrics that set terrible examples for us all. Don’t try these at home:

1. “Camp counselor, living in the lap of luxe” –RiFF RaFF, “Cuz My Gear”

If Riff Raff thinks camp counselors live in the “lap of luxe,” he has some questionable living standards. Who really aspires to finger paint with snotty-nosed kids all day? Reach for the stars, boys and girls.

2. “Man on the moon, got a condo out in space” –A$AP Rocky, “Goldie”

Rocky is doing the exact opposite of what Riff Raff does — he’s setting his standards too high. Literally. You can aspire to be great, but maybe aim to live somewhere you can actually survive without a spacesuit.

3. “Had a couple seizures, call it minor setbacks” -Rick Ross, “I’m a Boss”

Rick Ross suffered from two seizures in one day back in October 2011, apparently due to lack of sleep. Between this line and his frequent references to his high caloric intake, Ross clearly has little regard for his health. Don’t follow his footsteps; get your 8 hours of sleep every night, eat healthy, and if you have a seizure or two, don’t call them minor setbacks. Call your doctor.

4. “These b****** love Sosa” -Chief Keef, “Love Sosa”

This is the only intelligible line from this song (or any Chief Keef song, for that matter) and I still have no idea what he’s talking about. Who is Sosa? What makes the b****** love him? When will Chief Keef stop recording music videos from his living room? If Keef teaches us anything, it’s this: always enunciate and communicate your thoughts as clearly as possible. Maybe then you won’t find yourself on house arrest, or getting sued for child support at the age of 17.

5. “Weezy F. Baby, and the f is for ‘phenomenal’”-Lil’ Wayne, “Yes”

Stay in school. Please.

6. “Popped a molly, I’m sweatin’ – woo!” -Trinidad James, “All Gold Everything”

Look, I know better than anyone how fun it is to scream this line at the top of your lungs, but abusing MDMA is no laughing matter. Trinidad James barely grazes the surface of the list of side effects from the drug; besides sweating, it can lead to memory impairment, stroke and — based on James’ looks — a serious lack of concern for dental hygiene, and a compelling desire to dress like you’ve lost a fight with a thrift shop.

7. “I ate one roach and made a lot of money” –Tyler the Creator, “Domo 23”

If you’re in need of a get rich quick scheme, this isn’t it. While roaches are actually a delicacy in some places (I hear the Madagascar hissing cockroach is quite delectable), it is highly unlikely that you’d make any money from it the way Tyler did with his music video for “Yonkers”.

8. “Gang signs out the window, ya bish” –Kendrick Lamar, “Money Trees”

It’s dangerous enough to put your hand out the window of a moving car, much less if you’re throwing up gang signs. One wrong turn and you’re on another set’s territory, and it can only go downhill from there.  Don’t listen to K-Dot, kids; rep your sets from within the car, away from the windows.

9. “Bend it over, Juicy J gon’ poke it like wet paint” –Juicy J, “Bandz a Make Her Dance”

Juicy J must have been that kid when he was growing up, the one who just had to touch things that were off limits — store displays, museum exhibits, newly painted walls, strippers. Don’t be that kid. Keep your hands to yourself.

10. “All I got for b****** is pipe water” –French Montana, “Ocho Cinco”

French is doing nothing to counter the stereotype of rappers being disrespectful to women. The man has a net worth of $5 million for saying “haan” in the background of all his songs, and he has the audacity to only offer his b****** tap water? French sets the worst example for suitors everywhere. You could at least offer your b****** water from the Brita filter. And maybe refrain from calling them b******.

 

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