Published by the Students of Johns Hopkins since 1896
October 28, 2021

Prepare yourself for the laziness revolution

By SOPHIA GAUTHIER | November 15, 2012

"I was gonna go to the bathroom, but then I lost my inspiration."

Here’s the scenario. You’re lying in bed, warm and cozy under the covers. You’ve reached that point where you are entirely, perfectly comfortable ... ready to drift away into the land of gleeful sheep and rapid eye movements ... and then you remember. You forgot to go to the bathroom.

Of course, you can wait. I mean, you don’t have to go that badly, right? Only ... what is it, eight more hours before you’ll be up again? You’ve got the toughest kidneys on the planet damnit! Ahhhh the bathroom is like ten miles away! But if you got up now ... you’d be back in bed in ... three minutes? Two minutes?

Let’s face it. You’re screwed.

As a society, we’ve now categorically reached the point where we cannot even be bothered to make ourselves more comfortable. Now that’s lazy. But what if we had one day — just one — one out of three hundred and sixty-five days — to give in. Just one day where we could stop fighting it and all be pathetically, completely, guiltlessly and unabashedly lazy. What would happen?

Probably anarchy.

Or maybe ... wait for it ... nothing! It would be a beautiful, glorious day to celebrate the act of not doing, the thought of not thinking, a National I-Can’t-Be-Bothered-To-Do-Squat Day.

Imagine the possibilities! Exam in three days? Let’s watch The Wire instead. Supposed to work on a paper? How about working on this tan. Have to go to the bathroom? I’ll take a nap. Everything important that needs to be done will be replaced with trivially inconsequential tasks and time wasting techniques. Now you can organize your sock drawer without feeling guilty about that Anthropology assignment due at five. Or sample all the new Yankee Candle fragrances instead of emailing that internship contact. Or roll down that hill behind Bloomberg (let’s face it, you’ve always wanted to do that one).

We’ll start a Revolution of Laziness. Get ready to shamelessly bask in the glories of Facebook and Hulu while eating inadvisable quantities of CharMar sushi. Tomorrow, we kick off a nationwide campaign: we start petitioning and gathering signatures and sponsorship. Tomorrow, we rally together the indolent, the idle, the lethargic and the apathetic of the world.

Tomorrow.

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