“At Princeton, we do things that mean things.”
What? That’s like saying, “Kristen Stewart is an actress.” It doesn’t actually mean anything. As a proud Blue Jay, I was not about to let my P-town colleague toot his tiger horn without my own two cents. That’s right. Because at Hopkins, we mean the things we do.
And I mean to say things that mean things. First, the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing (Socrates). Secondly, Procrastinate now, don’t put it off (Ellen DeGeneres). Third, Kristen Stewart is a terrible actress (Truth). And last, Hopkins is pretty awesome.
Ahh, but you may say, “Sophia, you are wrong. Hopkins has devoured my social life and murdered my GPA. It is not awesome.” To which I would respond, “Everything else I said is true.”
Look, sometimes the going gets rough. It is at these times that I giggle like a frustrated Joe Biden and attempt to prove you wrong! We are proud to be Blue Jays! We are not all stereotypically bitter Ivy League rejects! I, for one, am not stereotypically bitter! I’m here to prove that this school is, indeed, awesome.
First off, we have our very own beach! What other college campus has a beach? Well, many others, especially those in the Caribbean. However, Princeton, notably, does not have a beach. We also have monkeys in Krieger Hall. I ask you, does Princeton have monkeys? (I have no idea.) Most of you also know that Hollywood filmed part of The Social Network behind AMR I. That’s right, even Ivy leaguer Mark Zuckerberg wishes he had schooled here.
So the campus is all well and good, but what about Baltimore? A ridiculous question! I mean, we inhabit the Greatest City in America! And if you ever forget it, just stand up and read whatever you were previously sitting on.
Take a look at the Inner Harbor. They have a building filled with jellyfish and paddleboats shaped like dragons. The last time I visited the bustling metropolis of Princeton, Nj., there was no mystical beast themed paddle business.
A man once told me that Baltimore’s best-kept secret is the food. Of course, that makes him the world’s worst secret keeper, but at least he was right about the dining. There are so many uniquely Baltimorean eats!
If you head down to Mount Vernon, there are hundreds of great ethnic places, roughly 80 percent of which are Thai, the other 20 percent being Akbar’s (at least, they get all the publicity). Hampden is another fantastic place to explore. I have no idea about the quality of food at Café Hon but they spent money on a 30-foot flamingo installation, so they are probably worth giving a chance. Also, the Fudgery at HarborPlace is incredible because 1) The employees sing and 2) It’s called The Fudgery.
And of course, there is the Paper Moon Diner, which was likely decorated by the author of the I Spy series and a stick of dynamite. And if the green man on the cow out front freaks you out too much, you can always grab a bite to eat at Dick’s where you pay them to be just that to you. Also, if you ever happen to find a couple extra Benjamins in your pocket, treat yourself (and me) to dinner at Fogo de Chao.
All right, so I’ve spent a good deal of my time here discussing food options. But hey, we’re trying to outdo Princeton and they have those fancy eating clubs.
Hopkins really does mean the things we do. We have over 400 student groups with everything from beekeeping to overseas engineering. None of those groups would function without the dedication of a passionate student body. Sure there are cons about the Hopkins nest we call home. The workload is tough. The tuition is steep. The FFC puts cookies next to the fruit baskets. But we have a great thing going here at the Hop. Take advantage of what you’ve got! There are worse situations to be in. At least you don’t spend your time pretending to date a British vampire like Kristen Stewart.