Since the beginning of cinema, sex sells. People didn't go to Sin City to witness Oscar-worthy performances; they went to see Jessica Alba pole-dancing.
What makes Jennifer's Body unique is not the fact that Megan Fox makes the movie - she is the movie. The film is not driven by sex, defined by sex or even saved by sex; it is sex. Pure, carnal desires are just about the only substantive material presented in the film.
Unlike similar fare, Fox's sexuality is more than an added bonus or even the selling point - it's the foundation of the entire movie.
As one might expect, the rest of the movie fails on practically every level. The plot involves two best friends, high-school sex queen Jennifer Check (Megan Fox) and dorky, subservient Anita "Needy" Lesnicky (Amanda Seyfried). Check is the captain of the cheerleading squad, a point too clichéd to even mock.
One night, the two girls go to see Low Shoulder, a band fronted by Nikolai Wolf (Adam Brody). After the venue catches on fire, Wolf convinces Jennifer to leave with his band, who proceed to sacrifice her to the devil.
Unfortunately, because Jennifer is not a virgin (and let's be honest, who would believe she is?), she becomes a succubus. And starts to eat boys.
The rest of the movie consists of seemingly random occurrences, strung together for the sole purpose of creating funny dialogue.
As Jennifer seduces one of her victims, she grabs his crotch and whispers, "Nice hardware, Ace."
When Needy finally realizes that Jennifer kills people, the latter responds with the quip, "No. I'm killing boys."
It gets better: One night, after Needy has just seen Jennifer covered in blood on the road, the two rendezvous in Needy's bed and proceed to make out. It doesn't matter if this is hot; this isn't Debbie Does Dallas, guys.
A Hollywood movie should either embrace absurdity and nonsense (and be funny in the process), or retain some semblance of dignity. Jennifer's Body does neither.
Is there any saving grace? Diablo Cody penned the script, her first screenplay since her breakout hit, Juno. For those under the impression that Ms. Cody is a passable screenwriter, this film will surely crush your previous assumptions.
The plot is often boring, always predictable, rarely sequential and never funny. All the one-liners could have been pulled from a pretentious adolescent's Twitter account - Cody suffers from the affliction of trying much too hard to be hip.
This is plainly exhibited when Needy asks Jennifer if she only kills boys. The response is simply, "I go both ways."
Superb job, Diablo: no one saw that coming.
Well, one might ask, what about the acting? Does Fox hold a candle to even the lowliest of Hollywood B-listers? The answer, unsurprisingly, is absolutely not.
Fox is extremely good at looking sexy; she can pull off a fierce, sensual glare that both challenges and entices her audience and fans.
What she can't do, though, is just about anything else. She employs one expression for the duration of the movie and, indeed, her entire career. Perhaps a succubus is supposed to be devoid of emotion, but surely demons have more than one look?
The rest of the cast attempts to make up for the lackluster leading lady. Seyfried, definitely still growing as an actor, plays her part adequately and with a certain amount of style. Johnny Simmons, who plays Needy's boyfriend Chip, still has much to learn, but he displays a certain earnestness that makes him likeable.
The best performance in the film undoubtedly comes from J.K. Simmons, a veteran character actor who plays science teacher Mr. Wroblewski. Although Simmons only receives a few minutes of screen time, they are among the funniest moments of the entire film.
It is a shame, really, that this movie is so terrible. It attempts, with crude brushstokes, to satirize the dynamic that exists among high school guys and girls. There is always a queen and a nerdy girl with whom she's friendly; boys will do anything to sleep with the cheer captain; often, teenage girls can truly seem like demons.
None of this material, however, is explored on anything other than the most superficial of levels. There is room for a clever, hilarious and scary movie within the confines of the plot construct.
The problem? Filmmakers and screenwriters who opt for immature laughs and nothing more. The creators of Jennifer's Body aimed to give the audience exactly what they expected and nothing more. If it had actually been funny, maybe this review would have an entirely different tone. As it stands, the film was an admittedly sexy disappointment.
What is so astounding about this film is that people will still see it. Amidst terrible reviews and a weak opening weekend, boys and girls will still frequent the box office. Such is the astounding power of one Megan Fox.
Rarely has anyone achieved the status of being universally recognized as a sex symbol. Fox, through clever marketing, the right amount of exposure and very good genes, has reached this status.
The film is horrendous, the plot is amateur and the acting is at times obscenely bad, but people will still see this movie. Why? Because Megan Fox is really, really hot.
