Cases have been reported high and low, only a few confirmed, of a pandemic devastating cities and countryside alike. Everywhere, people are shouting "flu" in an apparent panic as things continue to escalate.
Be warned, this virus appears to be spreading everything: from the news to the internet, to newspaper articles to people's mouths. Be sure to wear a mask at all times, as well as to cover up the screen of your computer/television ?- only read newspapers with your eyes closed (this will also help to avert them from the horrendous writing not affected by this horrendous new strain - if only it were). FLU
Research is currently in the works to uncover just what lies behind the spread of the disease. Some suspect idiocy, others panic and lack of proper distribution of wealth, some simply say that it is a product of a patriarchal society - still no word from the noted Biomedical Engineer. But as researchers in Bethesda at the Centers for Disease Control continue to sit on their hands and investigate the properties of avian flu, it seems that nothing can be said for certain in the near future. The World Health Organization has only created convenient charts (see the rather bland one below).
While they busy their hands with trivial endeavors, the rest of us are suffering. FLU, here, FLU everywhere: It is taking over lexicon as the days go by. There have been cases sighted as far away as Israel that this word is being integrated into the language. Even the seemingly impenetrable United Kingdom efforts to repel this barreling linguistic force have proved futile.
FLU, FLU, FLU was heard emanating from an apartment window in Madrid this afternoon. The issuer of the phrase went sent directly to the local hospital - no word on his condition.
?Mexico: 149 dead - 26 confirmed cases of people shouting "Gripe"
?United States: 40 confirmed cases
?Canada: 6 confirmed cases: "Flu, Eh?"
?UK: 2 confirmed cases, both members of the literati (Influenza, not Flu dammit, Influenza)
?Spain: 1 confirmed case: "Gripe" (pronounced with a notable lisp)
?Israel, Brazil, Australia and New Zealand: suspected cases being tested
It's spreading everywhere-we need help! GRIPE (without lisp) GRIPE (with notable list) FLU FLU GRIPE (without lisp) FLU FLU FLU GRIPE (with notable list) FLU, EH? GRIPE (without lisp) GRIPE (with notable list) FLU, EH? FLUNSA. INFLUENZA. GRIPE (without lisp) GRIPE (with notable list) FLU, EH? FLUNSA. INFLUENZA. GRIPE (without lisp) GRIPE (with notable list) FLU, EH? Help from anywhere, just helpFLUNSA. INFLUENZA. GRIPE (without lisp) GRIPE (with notable lisp) FLU, EH? FLUNSA. INFLUENZA. GRIPE (without lisp) GRIPE (with notable list) FLU, EH? FLUNSA. INFLUENZA. GRIPE (without lisp) Damn you CDC! GRIPE (with notable list) Stupid Bethesda masturbators with your anthrax FLU, EH? FLUNSA. INFLUENZA. GRIPE (with notable list)FLU, EH? FLUNSA? Help!!! We'll all be multilingual soon!
