Due to a recent slew of attacks, the Mercy Hospital in Duluth, Minn. is closing this week.
"It's a sad day for all of us," Arnya Swlarlafson, a nurse who is relocating to the Mayo clinic, said. "This hospital has been great to all of us in so many ways, apparently it hasn't been great to the patients, but it has been great to us."
For the past few weeks the Mercy Hospital has been under investigation following multiple accusations of extreme medical malpractice have been aimed at the hospital and its doctors (for a more specific definition of extreme medical malpractice contact former vice presidential candidate John Edwards on his twitter account http://twitter.com/johnedwards; he would really appreciate it, he's really very lonely).
The whole controversy arose following the attempted heart transplant of David Monroe. Monroe, then 27, was in desperate need of a heart transplant following a particularly traumatizing break-up. All seemed to go well during the operation but in the hours following it, Monroe reported "intense pain" and that "it feels like a battle is going on in my chest." In response, the fine medical professionals at Mercy Hospital tested for all problems which these symptoms could possibly reflect: angina, chest trauma, insomnia, internal bleeding, civil unrest and so on. However, upon Monroe's rather entertaining autopsy it appeared that something far more like his description had actually occurred.
Medical Examiner Gene Kasinski's report read more like an Ernest Hemingway novel about the Spanish Civil War, then an autopsy report.
Mr. Monroe's chest cavity appeared to have been beaten by some bludgeoned object, such as the heart. It appears that in the heat of rebellion, the internal organs simply could not take it. You only heard the statement of the loss. You did not see the father fall as Pilar made him see the fascists die in that story she had told by the stream. You knew the father died in some courtyard, or against some wall, or in some field or orchard or at night, in the lights of a truck beside some road. You had seen the lights of the car from down the hills and heard the shooting and afterwards you had come down to the road and found the bodies. You did not see the mother shot, or the sister or the brother. You heard about it; you heard the shots, and you saw the bodies.
While it wasn't the best read I've had for awhile, Kasinski's interesting use of language of unusual aesthetical sense won me over in the end. If nothing else, this face-paced rollercoaster ride of an autopsy will keep you occupied on the crapper for hours on end. Available from Penguin books ($24.66).
The following week, a woman by the name of Sally Salisbury, 52, came in complaining of stomach pain related to her recent five-day eating binge. Following much deliberation, the Mercy team decided that a kidney transplant would be the best way to go. Without much trouble, they found a match for her and were in surgery. This is that point at which true trouble began to brew.
"It was shocking truly shocking," Dr. Charles Kariban said, "not to mention quite a bit painful."
In Kariban's written account, later published at trial (available from Harper Collins Press, $3.62), he verified earlier rumors that the kidney had attacked the entire surgery team, Mrs. Salisbury (now divorced), as well as several people waiting in front of it at the vending machine upon its exit. In the autopsy report, Ms Kasinski once again had a chance to work her magic.
It appeared that this particular kidney, chosen for the operation, had quite a hankering for Payday bars. This appeared to be the leading cause that led to its rebellion. The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break, it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too, but there will be no special hurry. According to all reports, the kidney is still at large.
Following these magical and moving accounts by Ms Kasinski, the hospital was temporarily closed down due to "rebellious transplant organs." That temporary hiatus eventually became permanent, leading to Arnya Swlarlafson, and many others like her, moving on to bigger and better things at the Mayo Clinic.
***
On the whole, Bremer's diagnosis of Mercy Hospital (available from Oxford University Press, $17.76) fails miserably and lacks any sort of focus. However, I did quite enjoy Kasinski's synthesis of Hemingway's brute style with her irreverent humor provided by the autopsy material. It is truly a great read on the crapper.
