Skip the Advil, try the herbs in your kitchen as remedies

I am one of billions of females over the age of 12 who is blessed with nature's gift - menstruation. It sucks. I get cramps, I get anxious and moody, my stomach hurts and I get indigestion. For two days a month I feel like I've ingested sharp pebbles.

So I did something stupid - I pretended I was my cat after she was fixed.

The only thing that would make her shut up after her operation was catnip. She loves it. I figured it made her lack of a uterus and ovaries less painful.

So I sprinkled some of her weed in my lemon tea in hopes that I was indeed a cat lady, as so many people accuse me of, and the stuff would do me favors as well.

I was not rational, but boy was I lucky. It worked like a charm - all of my symptoms were knocked out. So I got curious: How do catnip's superpowers work and what other kitchen herbs have medicinal properties?

Kitty euphoria and the aforementioned positive human effects come from a bicyclic compound, nepetalactone. On humans, nepetalactone has antispasmodic affects on smooth muscles. It can help soothe the muscles of the digestive tract, and for women, it can help to relieve menstrual cramps. Nepetalactone also works as a mild sedative and tranquilizer on humans, a good remedy for insomnia and anxiety. Even with the caffeine in my lemon tea, I was out like a snoozeloozling kitty.

Next discovery: cinnamon. I sprinkle it on my French toast, but other than that, I'm not big on the Tic-Tacs and Big Red. My mistake. Cinnamon is a mighty antiseptic in the herbal world. It has antifungal, anti-parasitic and anti-bacterial properties. One study conducted in 1976 proved that cinnamon prevents growth of toxic mold on bread - little wonder herbalists recommend sprinkling some cinnamon on cleaned wounds.

Cinnamon contains eugenol, the main component in the essential oil of cloves. For the same reason that clove cigarettes numb the throat, the eugenol in cinnamon has anesthetic affects on wounds.

Cinnamon is also just plain good for small tummy pains. It helps relieve internal gas and is thought to aid in the digestion of fats (good ingredient for cakes and cookies!).

Like aloe, that humble but succulent plant, cinnamon should be a kitchen essential. Aloe for stove burns, cinnamon for cuts.

I did not discover the next tart berry; it was suggested by a promiscuous girlfriend prone to urinary tract infections (UTI). Cranberries are overflowing with vitamin C (early American sailors ate them to prevent scurvy), and cranberry juice is well known for its ability to prevent UTIs. Research has suggested that cranberry juice helps prevent UTIs by inhibiting the guilty bacteria, E.coli, from adhering to the uroepithelial cells. If the bacteria are unable to adhere to the urinary tract walls, they can't cause an infection; they'll just be flushed out with the next waterfall. Cranberry juice also serves to deodorize urine, so not only will you be bacteria free down south, you'll also smell nicer. Drink that Ocean Spray. (Chaser?)

Garlic is another underestimated herbal wonder. It has been used for thousands of years, prescribed by ancient Egyptian herbalists, Roman and Greek physicians and even Russian Red Army doctors during WWII during a penicillin shortage. Garlic, like cinnamon, is a little known antibiotic in today's world.

Today we have penicillin and ampicillin and all the other cillins and mycins, so garlic has been mostly forgotten. However, garlic actually has potent antibacterial and antifungal properties due to the compound allicin, which is produced when fresh garlic is finely chopped or crushed.

Allicin is like weak penicillin, but studies show its effectiveness against many bacteria, including the ones that cause TB, food poisoning and UTIs. Garlic also contains many other sulphur compounds that can improve circulation, lower cholesterol and boost the immune system (very good for the heart).

Last, this smelly apotropaic is a potent antioxidant, and has notable anti-cancer properties. A study done by the Iowa Women's Health Study of 41,000 found that "women who regularly consumed garlic had 35 percent lower risk of developing colon cancer," and some Chinese studies found a significant correlation between lowered stomach cancer risk and garlic (and Tic-Tac) consumption. This smelly apotropaic is a potent antioxidant and has notable anti-cancer properties.

Finally, ginger. My mother uses garlic and ginger to season fish. There's a lot of ginger in my life. No wonder I never get sick.

Ginger is good for stomachaches, nausea and vomiting, and many Chinese studies indicate it may prevent colds and the flu by boosting the immune system. It is a gastrointestinal antispasmodic, calming the muscles of the digestive tract and preventing indigestion and tummy aches.

Ginger was first baked into bread (forerunner of gingerbread) to make it a sweet stomach settler. In the early American colonies it was added to beer (forerunner of ginger ale) to be a soothing digestive aid.

Ah, the medical wonders of my kitchen. And I haven't even explained the benefits of rose water or red pepper. I also neglected to indicate proper dosages, but it's important to remember that herbs can be dangerous when taken in conjunction with other medications or without consulting a doctor.

While most of the above herbs are mild, too much of any good thing can cause problems. Eat carefully, be sure to remember that some herbal remedies are topical and eat that Cinnamon Toast Crunch.