As a freshman in college, I have experienced a number of "life lessons" recently. Interestingly enough, my latest began with an episode of Mythbusters. Allow me to tell the story from the beginning.
The recent episode of Mythbusters featured a rather controversial question that had been sparking heated discussions on countless Internet forums: If a plane is placed on a conveyor belt which exactly matches the speed of the plane (but in the opposite direction), will the plane take off?
After eagerly waiting, along with the rest of the Internet community, for the verdict, like the rest of what I will call "no-flys," I was sorely disappointed when the plane did take off.
Soon, half of the posts on the Mythbusters message board were "I told you so," while the other half were, like me, upset at the outcome and the testing method. After reading the relentless back-and-forth, I came to the conclusion that the question was too vague to have a definite conclusion.
So I decided to blog as well. "Blame the question," I said, offering a conciliatory comment. "Not the intelligence of a fellow debater." And I let it go; there was no use arguing if someone would always argue back.
However, it wasn't long until a hot-headed "will-fly" found my blog, leaving 400 words of suspected cut-and-paste fodder in the comments. I hadn't outright said I was correct, but he said he was and went on to detail exactly why I was wrong. Hadn't I given up and waved the white flag?! And yet here was a complete stranger, taking the effort to find personal blogs on the subject and tell the owners they were "stupid" and "stubborn."
He probably did a shirtless victory dance in front of the mirror because he thought he won. I can imagine he went to bed pretty satisfied that night, no doubt after unleashing more of his pompous views on those who didn't want to hear them. (Congratulations, Dan from Canada.)
So why is it so important to "win"? Whether it be a board game or an argument with an ex (or a complete stranger), it's too often paramount to be the one who KO's the other. Ironically, "coming out on top" usually involves dirty, low tactics like slandering your opponent's name ("She cheated on me," an ex-boyfriend told anyone who would listen, referring to the single rebound kiss I'd had after we'd broken up). Arrogance, it seems, is a big part of human nature.
In Xenophon's Oeconomicus, Socrates constantly poses questions to Cristobulus, who encourages Socrates by answering exactly as he wants. As a result, Socrates is able to further his points and have the last word on the subject. Though Socrates isn't really hurting anyone by being "right" - Cristobulus often even agrees with him - it is evident that Socrates takes a certain amount of pride in his arguments. And Cristobulus seems to be proud to have been in discussion with him. In this case, a little bit of arrogance is dismissable; neither party minds, and all ends well.
If two people have opposing views and won't admit defeat, however, then there's a problem. In today's society, it seems commonplace to claw your way to the finish line, to exhaust, humiliate or otherwise hurt your opponent until you win. But is it really necessary?
When a friend recently confronted her ex-boyfriend about how she'd felt used and guilted into having sex with him, he told her in response, "Bitch, it was the only way I knew how to control you." I was stunned. She'd been head-over-heels for him, and he'd in return insulted her, making her look like the reason for the breakup. Was it even necessary to "control" her? Besides wanting to win the argument they were in, did he have to own their relationship too?
I'll admit, I'm not the most easygoing or modest person in the world. On the contrary, I've got a terrible temper and can be borderline cocky at times, but of course I'm self-conscious inside. Everyone is.
If anything, that self-consciousness brings out the arrogance. We think, "What will people think of me?" The guards go up. We make excuses and blame others so that we ourselves can look good - we're human, after all. But it needs to stop when we sacrifice others' feelings and reputations for our own.
Though it's a little unfair that my friend's ex can feel as if he won the argument, perhaps the most important thing I've learned over the years (and am still learning) is just to let things go. My friend reminded me of that by dismissing his sentiments and instead moving on.
Just know, regardless of how many attacks you fall under, how many times you feel like everyone believes you're to blame, you don't need to win. Let them believe they did. Avoid further confrontation and frustration. Instead, make peace with yourself. And revel in the fact that arrogance, unlike ignorance, is not bliss.
