Midterms are upon us, and we are sick of using our brains. We hate our brains, in fact. We hope they would just go away.
In this brief moment of mindlessness, it is worth remembering that there is at least one use of our brain which always cheers us up and makes the whole damn organ worthwhile: Thinking about sex.
But as critical as this intellectual exercise is to our lives, there is a related topic which gets nearly no air time in our brainwaves - thinking about our sexual identity. Many of us will live out our brief spell on earth without ever questioning the sex-related aspects of our identity.
Science tells us that this is worth inquiring into; sexuality is not easy to observe and that gender identity is not completely correlated with primary sex characteristics. The possession of a penis, for example, does not necessarily mean that we love the poonani or that we are roguish and stoic - these are things that, while mostly biologically determined, are best left for us to find out.
Strangely enough, most of us do not take up the task of determining our sexual orientation and gender identity, but instead leave this kind of question to the people we wouldn't entrust with determining the other aspects of our identity - our parents.
At birth, when everyone shouts (for example) "It's a boy!", a commitment is made, on our behalf, that our sexuality and identity will have a certain shape - we shall not fantasize about shagging other dudes, we shall not wear pretty pink dresses. We shall let the hair on our legs grow long and own fewer than 10 pairs of shoes, none of which puts us in extraordinary pain.
What a travesty. We would not have anyone tell us whom to shag or how to dress. Yet we are by and large not bothered by the uninformed and hastily drawn conclusion that we are heterosexual men or women on the mere basis of our body parts.
Thus we arrive at this week's topic, which is questioning, discovering and expressing your sexual and gender identity - in other words, coming out.
Last Thursday was National Coming Out Day. The gist of this superb holiday is that hardly anyone fits their assigned sexual orientation and gender. The assignments are too ill-conceived and the human biological variety too great for our parents to have gotten this exactly right.
And so everyone should figure out who they really are, and if they wish, express that identity proudly.
Unfortunately, while the landscapes of sex and gender politics have thankfully changed a lot in the last half-century, there are still many people who must keep their sexual orientation and/or gender identity a gigantic secret from everyone that they know. Concealing your true self for fear of being treated unfairly is often worth the trouble. But it can be a painful and confusing experience.
In 1951 Edward Sagarin wrote this about being a closeted gay man: "Society has handed me a mask to wear ... Everywhere I go, at all times and before all sections of society, I pretend."
Some things have not changed much since then. Keith, a Hopkins senior who is mostly, but not entirely, out of the closet (Keith is not his real name), described being closeted as feeling "like carrying a ton of bricks." Keith is a trans-man, which means for most of his life, he looked like a woman and thought he was one, too. It was a difficult time. "I felt cut off from the rest of society," he said. "Sometimes when you're not fully out, even to yourself - things happen to you that you don't understand."
Keith had the unusually difficult task of coming out to his parents not once, but twice. As he is attracted to women, he first identified as a lesbian. Telling his parents that news was tough enough, he said. Then he realized he wasn't a gay woman; he was a straight man. His parents, he said, still don't quite understand how this works, and haven't always been positive about it.
Keith said that coming out at Hopkins was comparatively easy. More often than not, he said, he feels comfortable here. "I haven't really had much of problem on campus," he said.
With a grin, he added, "No one here would spare a moment of thought to judge someone for anything but their lab work."
Keith said coming out was one of the most important things he has ever done. "My life is finally my own ... It was a very life-affirming experience."
Many of us have friends who have come out or possibly will. Having a friend adopt a new public identity can be very strange. Keith recommends that friends and acquaintances "try to learn a little bit about what's going on." Whatever you do, speak up, if only to show that you are interested. "Don't be afraid to ask questions."
Some questions you can ask: "Do you have a partner?" If they are transgender, you can ask, "What name/pronouns do you prefer?" Some trans people prefer pronouns that reflect their identity; others don't. Some prefer gender-neutral pronouns like 'they' or 'ze' (pronounced "zee").
The most important thing is to not be afraid to ask questions. Ignorance of non-conforming sexualities and gender identities leads to fear and all too often violence.
If you would like to learn more, feel free to send an e-mail to Hopkins' Diverse Sexuality and Gender Alliance ( dsaga@jhu.edu), who will treat your question confidentially. You can also reach me at raffi@jhunewsletter.com.
