I was accepted to a study abroad program in Japan a little while ago and I swear I've been doing paperwork every since. I didn't realize how hard it was to get into another country until now. I feel like a crate of oranges being imported into California. If they try to delouse me when I get off the plane in Narita, the only thing stopping me from turning right back around is the 15 hour flight.
To be fair, with all the different bureaucracies I'm dealing with, this could be a lot harder. Considering I'm a U.S. citizen, the passport application was pretty simple (though I was terrified that I had screwed something up, and they'd send it back -- not because I needed my passport ASAP, but because since applying for it, I'd dyed my hair pink, and if I had to retake my passport photos ... awkward). My Certificate of Eligibility application (the thing I need to send in before I can apply for a student Visa) was only two pages. I haven't gotten a look at the student visa application yet, but I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best. Still, for bureaucracies (U.S. Department of State, Consulate of Japan, etc.) this is going smoothly. Too smoothly, if you ask me.
Once burned twice shy, I suppose. Bureaucracies have been screwing with me since day one. Last year, On-Campus Housing's absurd policies resulted in the destruction of one of my posters (which was, however, kindly reimbursed, even though it was several years old and I didn't have the receipt) and the theft (yes, goddammit, theft) and destruction of two candles I'd gotten as birthday gifts. Yes, yes, you aren't supposed to have candles, I was in the wrong there. But when I received a letter, dated two weeks previous, that my candles would be thrown away one week previous (read: the date had already passed by the time I got the letter) if I didn't claim them, and the people I dealt with in Housing subsequently refused to reimburse me because I didn't have receipts (for gifts), I was kind of pissed. One of those candles smelled like pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie! And they just threw it away. On-Campus Housing's cruelty knows no bounds.
I think the winner, however, for complete bastard bureaucracies, is and always will be Baltimore Gas and Electric. The lease for the apartment I'm in now (damn straight off campus, as if I was going to overpay rent only to have my things stolen) started the beginning of the summer, though I didn't move in until the start of fall semester. A week before I flew in to Baltimore, I gave BGE a call to get my electricity turned on. But, much to my surprise, I was informed the electricity was on, and had been on since the start of the summer. Yet ... no one was living there. They asked me if I disputed the charges (in what amount, they couldn't say - so I could have been `disputing' anywhere from $5 to $500), to which I foolishly replied yes. And then I entered Hell.
BGE told me that since I disputed the charges, they couldn't start the electricity in my name as of September. And, since I disputed the charges, they could send someone out there at any time to turn it off. I had to fax my lease (which would only prove I'd started renting at the beginning of the summer) to some investigator who would get back to me in 48 hours. Only after all this had been resolved could I call back and start the electricity in my name, which, if they turned it off, would take a week, so it'd start a few days after I'd already moved in.
Sonofabitch.
Thankfully, through constant calling and increasing volume of my voice, I finally got to talk to the investigator, who was unbelievably helpful. I'm not sure if he was actually, objectively helpful (in the end he told me that BGE would send me a bill for the summer, and when I got it I could dispute the charges, and until then he'd pass me to a customer service rep who'd start my account as of September) or just subjectively helpful after dealing with so many s--ty call center people. Regardless, when I showed up, my electricity was on, and at that point that's all I wanted.
But the best part is, a few weeks later, I got a bill in the mail from BGE. It was for the three months my electricity had been on without my knowledge. And how much was the bill for, you ask?
$20.
I paid that $20. But not without hate in my heart.
But in the end, the idiocy of bureaucracies is inevitable. Think about it -- how much concentrated stupid was there in the last group project you did? Yeah, I thought so. Now multiply that by a million.
And there, children, we have the bureaucracy.
