Being the butt of the joke leads to anal introspective - Orgasmic Chemistry

Last week we talked about condoms and making sex safer. There are times, though, when no condom can protect you. For instance, sometimes, life just surprises you and no matter how hard you try, you end up breaking your arm due to anal sex.

Loyal readers of the sex column will remember this story, but for those who've never read it, a reprinting is warranted.Here it goes.

Last year, a friend of mine broke his arm. You would think that he would've made up a good story like a drunken brawl, taking on a group of 20 guys, being drunk, defending a girl's honor, being drunk.

But no, he admitted that he broke his arm because of anal sex.

Let me explain. One night my friend, who we'll call Jon, went back to his room to go to sleep on his top bunk bed. As Jon fell asleep, his roommate came back with his girlfriend.

Being the good guy that Jon is, instead of putting a pillow over his head or accepting a sexile for the night, he decided to be quiet and watch.

Jon bent his head over the railing in time to see his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend doing things that were illegal in Texas not so long ago.

Nothing too shocking here so far.

After they were done, however, the girlfriend wasn't able to make it to the bathroom in time and committed a rather disgusting act.

At the sight of this, Jon's roommate threw up. His girlfriend, being so disturbed at the sign of what she and her boyfriend just

what she and her boyfriend just did to the carpet, threw up herself.

At this point, Jon -- who was still watching -- laughed so hard he tipped over the bunk beds and broke his arm.

This story is certainly a very entertaining one, but it carries with it some good lessons:

1. If you decide to have anal sex with your partner, or even if you decide to try anything that you used the Kama Sutra as a reference for, check the other bed, under beds, in closets and anywhere else someone may be hiding and waiting to get a free show.

2. The thing about sex -- either involving a back door or not -- is simply to do whatever floats your boat (hey, I hear the couple is still together; there are admittedly few better bonding experiences) but make sure you minimize your risks and know the shortest way to the bathroom afterwards.

Anal sex is one of those somewhat taboo subjects that we're still really supposed to only whisper about.

There has even been a Supreme Court case about it (granted the Laurence case was specifically addressing the issue of gay male sex, but sodomy laws still exist in a handful of states), and anal sex is still not one of those things that people really want to consider.

If you don't talk about your own preference, even if it's with a "hell no" or "bring it on," you may find yourself in a situation like one a friend described as, "I tried to slip it in without her noticing -- but she did." We will always notice.

Anal sex brings up so many issues that go far past the issues of homophobia, condoms and lubrication.

The most basic problems girls face with this issue stem back to the inability to express how degrading they find it.

There are a lot of girls (and even guys) for whom anal sex evokes the image of a "Dirty Sanchez" more than "making love."

Concepts like "making love" are often found in girls' vocabularies, not guys'.

I would love to receive a letter from a reader explaining why some guys prefer anal sex -- I can write about what some male friends have told me about the topic, but my perspective is still limited a bit.

A female perspective on this issue is that there are only a few motives for having anal sex.

One plausible reason is because it presents the opportunity to add something to your sex life that's lacking. Another possibility is a need to dominate or to be dominated.

There is also the possibility that the guy is actually gay, but that's really another issue entirely.

I know this might get old, but the best way to avoid the problem is not to let it start. If you like it, want to try it or are just curious about it, ask.

The worst that can happen is your partner might think you're kinky. I can't say I would cry for you.

The point is that you need to discuss anal sex before you find yourself in an incredibly awkward situation.

If you decide to try it, that's great -- just remember to check the bed above you before you start.

Editor's Note: The columnist is not a trained medical professional.

If you are seeking professional medical advice, please consult your doctor. To send questions anonymously, go to http://www.jhunewsletter.com and click on "Contact Us."

Letters Policy: While all e-mail will be forwarded to the columnist, e-mails may or may not be read or published. Alternatively, they may become subject matter for the column.