With memories of
glistening
roasted fowl and
mashed potatoes
still fresh in our minds, there's no doubt that the holiday feasting season is upon us. This is the time of year when families awkwardly get together, stuff their pie holes with pounds of meat, starch and, appropriately, pie, while slowly getting buzzed off various ethanol beverages -- anything to make the whole experience a little less exhausting.
Take, for example, cranberry sauce. I prefer the gelatinous kind that comes out shaped like a wiggly, slimy, aluminum can. Its name suggests sort of "sauce," but I still don't know what to put it on and no one has ever really suggested to me a better way than just cutting off nice geometric slabs with the side of my fork. The kind with actual cranberries strikes me as a more useful sauce in the conventional sense of the word, but it's simply less fun.
Bias aside, it is an item like cranberry sauce that makes holiday meals something special and thus fitting eats for those special days.
There must be some of that proverbial rhyme and reason to eating a certain thing on a certain day. For Thanksgiving we traditional Americans eat food that we assume the Pilgrims ate for their big "Thank Providence" feast -- turkey because it's such an American bird (Ben Franklin actually suggested it be our national bird), yams and corn (or maize) thanks to the Native American influence, and basically everything else that Massachusetts can muster up in November.
Though most of the populace celebrating the holiday isn't living in or even from New England, we all still endeavor to recreate the regional, and presumably historical, fare. From my perspective, this is a great thing to do because it embellishes the food with intellectual and sentimental importance.
In fact, it's so fantastic that I think more food-based holidays should be established in American society or at least some special foods be incorporated into holidays we already celebrate.
Here are a few of my suggestions:
New Year's Eve -- Sure, there's the champagne and lobster, but we need to more perfectly capture the spirit of time passing with our food. I recommend we all eat 1,000-Year-Old Eggs, the figuratively named Chinese delicacy that has gained notoriety by being featured on programs such as Fear Factor.
Easter -- Rabbit anyone?
Independence Day -- Nothing shows the British how much they lost more than eating corndogs -- a quintessential example of American ingenuity and excessiveness.
Labor Day -- Grilling can be a great deal of fun, but it can also become a hassle, especially when you are dealing with large groups of hungry, beer guzzling guests. Celebrate not working while encouraging the labor market by getting takeout. Chinese food would be particularly surreal and is thus highly recommended.
Halloween -- Goulash. Get it?
Imagine how much better our society would be if we managed to tie particular types of food to particular holidays like we do with Thanksgiving, which is probably America's one true "Food Holiday." Think about that for your next holiday feast.
