Defining the lines of virginity - Orgasmic Chemistry

You know she's not going to be happy with the answer if someone has to ask, "I'm still a virgin, right?" This is the situation when a girl said yes to sex, then had second thoughts a few minutes in and ended the action because she wanted her first time to be more meaningful than the drunken night it currently was.

She asked this question right after she decided she wanted to wait and the guy gave her an honest, albeit tactless, answer, "No. Sorry, that's not how it works."

From the stories that have gotten back from all ends of campus, there seems to be a bit of confusion as to what a virgin is. The straight definition is: "a person who has not had sexual intercourse." To ensure no one pulls a Clinton on me, sexual intercourse ("sex") is, "sexual activity involving penetration of the vagina by the penis." These are pretty straightforward definitions, but, like good Hopkins kids, a lot of people are over-thinking the issue and getting caught between the ideas behind virginity and the technicality of actually being one.

There are a lot of people who fall into the "Everything But(t)" group -- those who believe that virginity for a girl is one very specific act and anything else is up for grabs. Once, while out with a group of girl (space) friends, it came out that one girl was completely incapable of saying the word "vagina" because it was "unlady-like," but she was more than happy to take the dirty road in bed. For her, anal sex was the perfect way to keep her virginity and values intact. Everything But(t) groupies like this girl are following the letter of the law (but not the spirit).

Yes, if one goes by the definition above, that girl is still a virgin. Call me old-fashioned, but something seems slightly off about this.

If you believe the purpose of having sex is to have children (most likely within marriage), fine, then this course of action will hold up. One problem though, generally people who believe in the idea of sex for only procreation do so for religious reasons. Although I haven't skimmed the Scripture lately, I feel like it has a pretty solid opinion on backdoor alternatives -- if you haven't seen the Pope's most recent decrees on gay clergy I suggest you grab a newspaper.

I know some people will shoot back saying that the anal sex is their method of choice as a low-risk alternative to breeder sex (oh, yes, I've heard this excuse). Once and for all -- no, it's not unless you're only talking about getting pregnant; unfortunately there are a lot of other scary things to catch out there other than a kid. Unprotected anal sex puts a girl at more risk for everything else but pregnancy than if you just had "sex."

So if anything that isn't penis-in-vagina means you're still a virgin, what if you're gay or lesbian? Could you be a virgin for life? Most of my gay friends who get some don't consider themselves virgins. When you look at what people actually value about virginity versus what people are actually doing, things just don't seem to make sense.

Maybe there's a better definition for virginity that might make people a little more comfortable. Here's a bit of a history lesson. If you trace the Latin roots of the word "virgin," essentially you get back to the concept of "androgyne" or someone who is complete by themselves, a "chaste maiden." That idea isn't exactly the same as what it means today. Rather it's related to the virgin goddess Diana who "was not owned by any man" and didn't want to be. It took another couple hundred years before the moralistic view of the word "virginity" to develop into something resembling what we know today. Today girls have to deal with pretty broad views of the importance of virginity from "essentially not that important" to "holding her family's honor between her legs."

I bored you with this because I honestly think those girls are asking the wrong question. There's an idea out there that once anyone has sex, some weird flood gates open. People continue having sex because it can be fun, not because they've unleashed some kind of unstoppable drive. Yes, girls having sex for the first time, like I've said before, should choose someone worth remembering because more often than not you will remember that person. If sex or virginity is something you're stressing over or bargaining with, you and the person on the other side of the condom are doing it wrong, and will have much bigger problems than just breaking a piece of skin.

A lot of anxiety and confusion would be saved if we all stepped back and looked at the ideas behind the word. A better question would be "Why am I sleeping with him again?" Leave virginity questions to olive oil and Polish rock bands.