Learning to look past petty rivalries

It was a sentence I wasn't used
to hearing: "That was fun but
you'd need a strap-on to do
anything else for me tonight."
That comment was how a recent kiss of mine ended when I was out at a party. No, he was not my date, and, yes, the male in question is gay. I'm not sure how the kiss began, but the weird thing is that the entire scene wasn't all that odd to me.

The reason this encounter even registers as notable is that my date denied me later that night (I know, it even happens to the best of us) on these grounds. At first, I wasn't entirely sure why he denied me. Then I realized: my date was jealous. It's pretty common knowledge that the guy I kissed looks better in a dress than most girls at Hopkins, so, in my mind, being worried about competition is not even an issue.

This issue of boyfriends being intimidated by gay guys is not exactly new to my group of friends, but before that party, it had never really gotten personal. I need to put this out there once and for all: there's no competition. None. Nada. Nichts. I don't have a strap-on, and most gay guys I know would shudder (if not cry) at the thought of a procreative relationship.

Over the past few years, I've seen friends get in trouble with boyfriends because they kissed our resident gay friend who is, of course, annoyingly good-looking. I know that in many of the previous cases it wouldn't really have been a problem if any of us had kissed another girl. However, the same platonic move on a completely unavailable guy is out of the question. One move works to fulfill a fantasy, but the other touches on a major insecurity.

The odd relationship that most gay guys have with straight women often benefits everyone involved -- the straight men in women's lives included. While it's a little over-done by now (thanks to Will & Grace), straight women need gay guys for a variety of reasons. Straight girls turn to gay guys for honest fashion advice, a platonic close friend and just a male presence a girl can relax around. They're also great for going out with and using to ward off unsuitable guys. If this takes the form of holding hands, grinding or dancing, who cares? Any of these activities with the gay guy is preferable to doing them with the skeezy guy who was hitting on you. (Most girls have learned by now that grabbing another girl and saying, "I'm with her" when they are hit on, will always backfire.)

Gay men need women for a whole different reason, namely, other gay men. It goes without saying thatgay men have the same stress over potential partners that any straight person does. Gay men also enjoy straight women's company because we share something very important and easy to talk about -- an interest in men.

So why should straight guys learn to stop being jealous and instead value women's relationships with gay men? First, it's always good to know a girl's friends, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. Secondly, gay guys can act as good go-betweens during relationship problems.He might just understand a little more about how straight guys feel than they might think, and he'll know her side a whole lot better than most guys will.

Of course, there's always the danger that the girl in question falls for the gay guy. This will happen to most girls at least once. Generally, it goes away as soon as someone gives her a good dose of reality. This is often pulled off in the form of meeting his boyfriend. He just has equipment, like an Adam's apple, she can't offer. Every once in a while a misguided guy pretends to be gay -- but that act lasts for all of five minutes before he's outted and hopefully taunted by friends for a long time.

People need to relax and take things at face value. I had an ex who had a lot of lesbian friends. Once I saw one of these girls kiss him to see what it was like to make-out with a guy. She found out, then went to find her girlfriend.